Confessions of an Okazu! Kokoro Connect! おかずになりたい!

Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell? – George Harrison

Okazu, yes! What is okazu? Literally it means “dish.” But in this context, okazu is a fuel for skinship with yourself. In other words, a source for masturbation! So, okazu can be a fantasy when you touch yourself. Lustful thoughts, sexual fantasy, totally dish in your kokoro (heart). Yes, erotic reification. Yes, a sexual object. Just like fujoshi use BL manga as their okazu.

Episode 4 was so divine. Taichi confesses his biggest secret to Inaba, the biggest sin he ever committed, that he has touched himself thinking about her. Yes, Inaba as his okazu! Oh no! The end of the world! But surprisingly, she laughs aloud, instead of having him beaten up like Onani Master Kurosawa.

The initial plot got too heavy, but that was a great comical relief! Yes, comedy is inherently phallic according to Aristotle’s Poetics. No, I should say “vaginal” since I’m a feminist gentleman. Or probably more appropriately, a gender neutral word would be “sexual.” Yes, comedy is inherently sexual.

OMG. Kokuhaku (confession) is so common in Japanese school romance. Not what grownups would usually do since they use “dating” for mating, carefully avoiding the shock of rejection. Typical, but this is not romantic confession, but sexual confession. So, the one must be utterly bold, has to be even bolder than conventional romantic confession. Taichi got balls of steel! Even Shinji couldn’t confess to Asuka that he made her his okazu. Not, “Since the first time we met, I’ve always liked you.” But, “I’ve masturbated to you.

And OMG, then a miracle happens! The last scene. Inaba in turn also whispers in Taichi’s ear, confessing to him with a mischievous smile, “I’ve also made you my okazu.” I screamed,


and tripped over and fell down from the chair. Immediatly George Harrison’s song came to my mind, “Let me whisper in your ear.♪” Yes, that’s the words I long to hear!

Ah, so awesome! A cute girl like Inaba was fantasizing about you! In other words, she sexually objectifies you! Ah, I never had any girl in my life that made a confession to me that she was masturbating to me. More euphorically shocking than a girl just making romantic confession to you. Ah, if there were actually a girl who lusted after me, who looked at me lustfully in my school days, I would never have abandoned Japan and moved to America!

Radical feminists, so called “feminazis,” always criticize men for sexually objectifying girls, just like Christian fundamentalists taking Jesus words too literally, “anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Yes, adultery with her in my kokoro! In other words, anyone who has skinship with a woman in his heart. Virtual skinship. Spiritual skinship. Imaginary skinship. Sexual objectification is a sin. But I bet 2D women don’t count. So moe is without sin, immaculate lust! As long as a woman is not real. So, otakus are exempt! We are immaculate wankers!

But, even that I still rather want to be objectified. Girl’s sexual objectification toward me is totally divine. It is the ultimate bliss! Plus, while Jesus talks about how sinful male libido is, he doesn’t mention anything about women’s sexual objectification. Yes, what about a girl who looks at a boy lustfully? Christ is silent. Call me a revisionist, but my guess is that Christ as a feminist praised women who sexually objectify men, but later omitted by the early sexist church fathers. So, women are free to do whatever they want! Especially if a girl is cute like Inaba. If she is cute, everything is permitted! Cuteness is justice! Therefore, women can’t be a sinner for self-consolation. So, Inaba’s right hand didn’t cause her to sin, period! Yes, like Misaki-chan from Welcome To NHK. Immaculate Masturbation! And Inaba is the Immaculate Masturbator!

Ahh, Inaba is so awesome. How awesome to be the object of her fantasy… How I wish I was Taichi. I so envy him. He can now proudly walk with his new status, “I am Inaba’s okazu!” Yes, just being her boyfriend would be an awesome status, but for kimo-ota (repulsive otaku) like me, being her okazu is already more than prestigious!

Both Taichi and Inaba, they’ve surely have crossed the line. “I’ve had skinship with you in my heart.” They see each other as okazu! It’s revealed that they are okazu to each other! True revelation. True apocalypse! And now, it’s inevitable that this will lead to skinship! Skinship! Skinship!

This is what I truly need. Sexual objectification. So far only 2D girls have looked at skinny soshokukei (meek) boys like me lustfully. In 3D, I hear Swedish girls do, but I can’t confirm that since I’ve never been to Sweden. But in 2D, these girls give you a more than necessary skinship fest! That’s why I touch myself thinking about 2D girls. Yes, I make 2D girls my okazu, but that is still one form of one-sided love. Unrequited love so to speak. So, I rather want to be objectified by girls than objectifying them. Ahh, I want Inaba’s sexual objectification! Sexual objectification is my salvation! Inaba, make me your okazu! おかずにして。Okazu ni shite. Yes, I want to be her okazu. 稲葉さんのおかずになりたい。Inaba-san no Okazu ni naritai. Thus, I want to be an okazu. だから僕はおかずになりたい。Dakara boku wa okazu ni naritai.

Mishima Yukio wrote Confessions of a Mask (仮面の告白). But Kokoro Connect is Confessions of an Okazu (おかずの告白)! This anime even surpassed Mishima’s masterpiece!

The best anime so far. My best anime this season used to be Who Is “Imouto”? But now, it’s Kokoro Connect! It was the real kokoro connect moment! Skinship in their hearts got connected. Okazu Connect!

New beatitude: Blessed are the okazu, for they shall inherit the earth!

Author: Monsieur LaMoe

A refugee from Japan. Live in NAFTA. Get hooked on Moe. Moe is opium? Twitter: @MonsieurLamoe

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