Hanamaru-oneechan! Angel or devil?


“Sin tetas no hay paraíso.” -A Columbian proverb

I want to go to this kindergarten! (^_^)

Ahh, Hanamaru Kindergarten. Ah, it’s totally unexpected that I’ve actually got hooked on this anime.  Is my mental level the same as a kindergarten kid? If that’s the case, then I must be an adult-child.

The word Hanamaru (literally “flower circle”) means “A+, excellent.” So Hanamaru Yōchien means “excellent kindergarten.” Too cute! It’s actually my first time experiencing this kind of style. These kindergarten characters are like dolls or miniatures; their character designs somehow don’t seem human. It’s like they reached this ultimate point from exclusively pursuing cuteness. It is very avant-garde. And more than anything they are extremely cutesy. It even transcends Anpanman. The essence of Makura-no-SōshiAnything small is cute” is actualized in this anime. They’ve gone to the point that it is actually therapeutic to me. In a different sense it is Iyashi-kei. The kindergarten girls in particular are overly cute. Should I become a kindergarten teacher?

On the other hand, Yamamoto-sensei is pretty. Ah, Yamamoto-sensei reminds me of Yumina-oneechan. If I were a little kid and suddenly hugged oneechan out of nowhere, it would have been okay. Purely, she would pet my head, “Good boy.” How tough it is to be a grownup… Ah, I want to hug Yamamoto-sensei! For adult-children like us Otaku, Yamamoto-sensei is definitely Hanamaru oneechan (excellent big sister)!

Yamamoto-sensei warmly looks after children
Sensei gives full attention to Anzu-chan
Sensei cleans up classroom. She is full of kindness.

Abundant oppai, i.e., Bakunyū! She looks broad-minded, warm, very gentle and kind, clumsy, and dull in romance. Is it an urban legend that “Big boobs are associated with absent-mindedness”? Perhaps in such unusual cases nutrition goes to the breasts instead of the brain. Ah, I want to be a kid again because children like this preschool kid burying his face between Hirano Aya Sensei’s oppai won’t get any trouble . Kids are forgiven out of grace. Even the puritanical Big Brother will let it pass. It seems like adult-children tend to get attracted to a boin oneesan. Bill Clinton was an adult-child. That’s why he fell for big -breasted Monica.

Tsuchii gets eye-popping by Yamamoto-sensei’s bakunyū
Heijoshin(peace of mind)? What!?
Astounded by her abundant kyonyū.
Accident of loosing bikini.
How come these kids are unaffected at all? Amazing! If this is me, I would get nose-bleeding explosion like Muttsulini! Children are amazing! That is real Heijoshin!
Ah, I want to hug her! I want to have a good sleep together!

Ah, anyhow I’ve been addicted to this anime. Is my mental level that infantile? Speaking of which, I heard today’s young people are becoming childish. Grownups who can’t be an adult are increasing, and that is leading to the Otaku population explosion. The numbers of Puer Aeternus are rapidly expanding.

Oh, for one thing: strangely there was a guy who made prophesy about the emergence of eternal youth in the Orient. And that guy was Adolf Hitler, the worst evil dictator in the world history. He defined “a group of eternal minor” as “a group of people whose body is adult but emotion is childish.” Did he mean Akiba, Japan by “the Orient”?

Yes, utterly useless in a society of the market-based competition, they are unmarketable and unproductive, so the social weak will be shunned. Naturally, they can’t have any luck with girls. And they are “dudes who can never get to have true romantic pleasure even once in their lives.” Yes, a society of eugenic natural selection based on social Darwinism, the society that Nazism idealized. In such society, Hikikomori and NEET would be sent to labor camps, just like today’s precariat workers are torn into pieces under a Protestantish slogan “Arbeit macht frei.” Labor is a punishment for an exile of Eden.

However! It is ACTUALLY wonderful for a grownup to remain as a child. So, Peter Pan is great. That’s what the holy man is saying. Jesus of Nazareth says, “Let the children come to me and do not stop them, because the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” The Kingdom of God belongs to Otaku. Like Yumina-oneechan takes care of war orphans, Yamamoto-sensei takes care of us at Hanamaru kindergarten. Since the Kingdom of God is for kids, and since the word kindergarten means “kids’ garden” in German, the excellent kindergarten is “Garten Eden.” The word Eden means “delight,” derived from the Semitic stem “dn (abundant).” Yamamoto-sensei’s kyonū symbolizes abundance, thus, she is the delightful oneechan of Eden. Her oppai itself is Eden! So, indeed Otaku are the real winners.  Bless us with thine oppai! “Blessed are you who are Otaku, for yours is the Kingdom of God. Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as kimoi, because of moe.”

That’s why people who insult otakus are Nazis. So evil. Their way of thinking is of the axis of evil. Big Brother’s logic. 3D is the real world where the evil rules. But, Yamamoto-sensei unconditionally loves Otaku like us. She is a shepherd who leads lambs. She is an angel. She is Goddess! Since we are indigo children. That’s why 2D is the good. That’s why as a 2D-kon I want to worship her oppai like the ancient people worshiped Venus. In short, it all comes down to good or evil, heaven or hell, 2D or 3D: that is the question. Jesus or Hitler. Glenn Beck also explains the world in a similar way.

Glenn Beck explains the world.

Therefore, it’s okay to be a child still. However, the adult rules will tie you down even though you have a child’s heart but if your body is adult. That is the pain of 3D, which also victimized Michael Jackson.

An Otaku’s Lamentation, “I never had any chance to have skinship with girls as a grownup man. I never had any single good moment as an adult. What a miserable life… If I could, I wanted to be a little kid again. So I could have had skinship with girls without any difficulties.” But physically that’s impossible. As a grownup, it would be sekuhara to touch oppai. So, I have to be a kid. But, there is a way: cosplay. Yes, cosplay myself as a kindergarten kid. That’s what Hiiragi-chan does! That’s why Yamamoto-sensei generously put her oppai on Hiiragi’s head! That is heaven! And cosplay is the path(stairway) to heaven! 天道(tentō), Amaterasu!

Yamamoto-sensei puts her oppai on Hiiragi-chan’s head. Ah, how I envy her!

There we go. Let’s wear a kindergarten uniform, and enroll at Hanamaru kindergarten! Moreover, kindergarten cosplay is a spirit of rebellion against totalitarian Big Brotherhood. That is the spirit of freedom. That’s how we attain Paradise Regained. So, like John Lennon sang “Strawberry fields forever,” let us sing “Hanamaru kindergarten forever!” If you’re in a state of panic, then, just sing “Strawberry panic forever!” But if you’re down, then together,

Hanamaru kindergarten forever!

Author: Monsieur LaMoe

A refugee from Japan. Live in NAFTA. Get hooked on Moe. Moe is opium? Twitter: @MonsieurLamoe

3 thoughts on “Hanamaru-oneechan! Angel or devil?

  1. Just FYI, hanamaru is a noun, not an adjective, and it means something like “gold star” (as in “good job, you get a gold star”). Literally it means “flower circle;” kids apparently get flower stamps on charts or assignments to reward good behavior.

    So the title is more accurately translated “Gold Star Kindergarten.” An Yamamoto certainly qualifies as a gold star hottie.

  2. @ Multiball,

    Thank you again!

    @ LS,

    I see. In America, kindergarten kids get a gold star for A+, hu? Thanks for a cultural input.

    In Japan, where I’m from, gold star is used in Sumo Wrestling, when a rookie wrestler beats Yokozuna.

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