Pokemon Kids Terrorize Kanagawa Neighborhood


KANAGAWA PREFECTURE – At 3 AM today, children in the prefecture of Kanagawa who watched too many Pokemon episodes with lights off on purpose began to report dizziness, headaches, vomiting, and an urge to attack adults with squeals and eating human flesh.

As most of the kids were sent to the hospital right away, the first victims were the nurses, and then, the doctors.

“It was horrible! Simply horrible!” said Nurse Nakagawa of Shinsen Hospital in the port city of Yokohama. “I mean, one moment this little boy was just so cute and sleeping soundly, and the next moment he started to scream ‘chikly breeeee!’ and then opened his mouth, and his teeth became really sharp, and he just tried to bite my neck!” She shook as she spoke. “It was terrible!”

Some reported that a few of the kids started using axes and kitchen knives on passersby. Others reported seeing kids throwing Pokemon balls stuffed with firecrackers.

“How the hell did they get those?” a police officer, who refused to be named, said. “I wanted to hit them with clubs, but I just couldn’t hit a little girl!”

It’s reported that some of the kids surrounded the toy stores and smashed the windows with poke balls, chanting: “Teigoku! Teigoku!” Others chanted: “Bomu paaru haabaa! Bomu paaru haabaa!”

“You know, even though I’m a big, burly and proud American, I was quite scared!” a tall American man exclaimed. “When these chanting kids saw me, it was like they saw their archenemy or something, and they surrounded me and started pissing on me and throwing these rounded objects.” He shook his head. “I was gonna beat ’em with my belt like a good ol’ boy from the south oughtta do, but then they took out axes and kitchen knives – you know, there were like, 50 of them, and I just went, ‘uh-oh’, and I got the hell outta there as fast as I could.”

It is rumored that the police have set up barricades and waiting to launch surgical strikes against these crazed kids. Details are forth coming.

Author: Ray

I'm a hardcore Anime Fan and I'm proud of it. I know so many things and I've acquired so much knowledge you wouldn't believe. But my love is anime. I've been drifting in this world for so long that I don't even know what an anchor means. I've seen so many shows that I've lost count. The only thing I'm sure of myself is that I care for the lowly and disenfranchised. I hate the rich and powerful and I love what I do, or what I can do. I like anime and I don't mind watching different types of shows. I have experience in different types of Japanese animation. I would be called an "expert" in a bizzaro world. One day, I'd like to start a revolution. I love the US, pizza, beer, sashimi, Chinese food, and steak. But I love freshly baked bread more than a well-aged steak. In reality, if I were born Japanese I'd be a real, hardcore Otaku. I love to love and I can hate strongly. I'm passionate in nature and I don't mind shedding tears. I can be reached at rayyhum777 at animediet. My Twitter is rayyhum777 at twitter.