The Promised Land of MLM, 2-D

I have a dream…that one day…

My dream is a wish to the day star. I wish that seventeen would last forever.

January 17th. America, the land of free. The b-day of MLK. I am Monsieur LaMoe, so my acronym will be MLM. Eme ele eme. Emeleme. Emilem.

Retrospectively seeing my past, my life has been romantic poverty instead of romantic comedy. I wish my life were comedy instead of tragedy. My pursuit of divinity, romance, and skinship, yes, my pursuit of happiness guaranteed by the Declaration of independence. Yes, my dream, my American dream, my hope, which is romance. Divinity is romance, thus divine comedy is romantic comedy. I wish to make my life romantic comedy. What type of romance? Of course, school romance, since I’m 17 years old forever, but on government ID, I’m not 17. I can never be seventeen under big brotherhood. That’s why I’m naturally anarchist. In 2-D, there is no government ID that denies you to be 17 forever. Yes, 2-D is without government, without leviathan, i.e., anarchy indeed!

Skinship, that’s what I need. But Japan is not a skinship society. How unfortunate I grew up in that country… They bow each other and exchange business cards instead of handshakes. No hug whatsoever. That’s why Japanese people lack oxytocin and they don’t smile that much. They look depressed, especially salarymen, every morning, their eyes look dead riding on the congested trains, especially long lost decades after bubble burst. Lack of oxytocin leads to lack of facial expressions. Unbelievable I lived in a country of zombi. High School Of The Dead is very much a satire of Japanese society. Because of that, I couldn’t tell which girl liked which boy. No wonder there are more than 30,000 people committing suicide every year. Japanese youth has hard time finding jobs, and young male from age 18-30, almost 1/4 of them never had any sexual relationship with girls. Lack of skinship is the culprit! Ah, Fractale, the girl is definitely skinship-oriented! The modern Hagoromo Legend! If I had this kind of girl, I would never have moved to America, from the land of despair to the land of free!

Ahh, I want to touch girl's back.

However, moving to America, facial expressions are very expressive. I don’t need to read their kuuki (atmosphere). Their emotion is pretty upfront. I can tell which girl is interested in which boy. But, the sad part is that it’s been pretty obvious that American girls aren’t interested in me. I believed moving to America would save me, but facing North American reality, my hope shattered. But three years ago there was a messiah I could believe in, to have American dream once again. I was as happy as ever witnessing the historical election. However, nothing had changed a bit, and that has eventually led me to total disillusionment.

Heaven and hell, reality is already hell. No kiss, no hug. How much I want to touch a girl, kiss her, and hug her… Yes, 3-D is hell. Our cruel world, Samsara = 3-D. The market, where you’re valued only by productivity and marketability. If you’re unproductive, you’re doomed. Eternally damned. Does heaven exist? Or should I make one by myself? Yes, pursuit of happiness, that’s exactly search for heaven. Because of unrequited love, this world is hell. But if romance becomes mutual, this world will turn into heaven. Sin skinship, no hay paraíso.

Warm my body, Phryne! I need cuddle with a girl!

In 2-D, I’m eternally young, always 17 years old, and able to experience school romance. School’s etymology is “leisure” in Greek, so school should’ve been romantic utopia. That’s why in anime I redo my school life, to regain what I’ve lost a long time ago. I wish reality were like a video game, in which you can redo your life by just pressing the reset button. But that’s impossible in 3-D.

I’m a wandering son. Nitori is exactly like me! He crossplays like Hideyoshi.  I totally understand how he feels! Trapped in male body, I am a sessile hikikomori. Yes, I want to be a girl. And have a tea time with a girl! Girl meets girl! I have nowhere to go and nobody to turn to. I’m a vagabond in NAFTA. And moetical refugee in 3-D. A moetical troubadour. That’s why I escape to 2-D, and turn to 2-D girls. From 3-D to 2-D, from here to eternity, from sessility to motility. Yes, moetility! 2-D girls will make me motile, I mean, “moetile!” Thus, now I’m moving to 2-D, the real promised land that Martin Luther King talked about! I’ve seen the mountain top! And the mountain top is 2-D!

We as otaku will get to the promised land!

Author: Monsieur LaMoe

A refugee from Japan. Live in NAFTA. Get hooked on Moe. Moe is opium? Twitter: @MonsieurLamoe

5 thoughts on “The Promised Land of MLM, 2-D

  1. Once again, you made such a interesting article, so I had to translate every single word I didn’t understand in order to get a piece of your thoughts. And I was amazed (like usual).
    But hey, this isn’t over yet!
    Otaku’s will once rake revenge on the cruel 3-D world, be it in this or an other dimension!
    Yes, we will live in peace one day, but till then 2-D is the solution.

    Greetz, Semi-Otaku

    1. @Semi-Otaku

      Thank you very much for the uplifting comment. I appreciate it! I’m glad that you enjoyed it.

      Yeah, the cruel 3-D world…Reality has made us cynical pessimists. If the world becomes like 2-D, we think someday it will, yes, we’ll live in peace and harmony, just like John Lennon used to sing!

  2. Egads.. >_< I was just telling my a bunch of my girl friends that I probably won't have a steady relationship with an otaku. Still the conversations are quite interesting, until it gets repetitive. From my perspective, if you want to get a girl, definitely have more than just anime/manga to talk with a girl about. Hang in there! There's no guilt in being single right? Everyone is quite different, and I am probably shooting myself... ahh 3D vs 2D.. (sighs)

    1. Thank you for the comment! Yes, it’s not guilty being single, but it’s really tough. I hope I can be a “train man” one day, that some girl would discover my gentlemanship.

      Why can’t you have steady relationship? An otaku only talks about anime thus not worth dating? That was the stereotype perpetuated by the mainstream media in Japan, while we otakus are actually the coolest people to date, evident here in Anime Diet, otakus here are one of the most versatile and sexiest intellectuals I’ve ever met. But society thinks the other way, and it’s too overwhelming to overturn that prejudice, so I just better go to 2-D.

      1. Hmm.. that is pretty true. Still my personal experience with the exception of a couple of friends who I only see. One too many people have their own lives to lead. Two other than some random series, can’t seem to connect on other aspects. For me it gets okay at some points, and then probably flickers out.

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