天下の馬鹿アニメ (Tenka-no-Baka-anime), 魔乳秘剣帖 (Manyuu Hikenchou)…, is undisputedly dumb. Nothing more to say. The dumbest anime I’ve ever seen in my life. But it’s so dumb that I saw the first episode till the end. I just couldn’t take my eyes off it. And it’s too shameful to confess that I’ve been following this crap.
You know, despite its numbskullness, the OP is extremely cool. And surprisingly the drawing is so unexpected high quality. You’re instantly sucked into the worldview of Manyuu, as if you’re going to watch the greatest samurai epic ever since Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai. I can’t imagine they held serious discussions about animating this junk. How did they secure a budget to make this crap after all? How did they convince depressed investors to sponsor their appalling project? Especially in this financial turmoil! Just mind-boggling.
The jokes are undeniably stupid. The lamest jokes, even worse than what elementary school kids can come up with. Even Gintama’s episode 217‘s MatsuKen joke can’t come close.
It’s all about chichi (乳 “breast”).
How idiotic with Mito Chichikuri (水戸乳栗), vice-Shogun, based on the famous historical drama Mito Koumon (水戸黄門). His real name was Tokugawa Mitsukuni (徳川光圀), alternatively 水戸光圀 (Mitukuni of Mito), and it’s a pun, Mitsukuni changes to Chichikuri (乳栗). Chichi-kuri (乳繰り) means “secretly love-playing.” And its verb form is Chichi-kuru (乳繰る). So, he quixotically travels all over Japan, and indulges himself with chichi-kurizing local girls. 旅の乳は栗捨て (Chichi-kuri during traveling has no shame)。旅の乳は揉み捨て(Groping chichi during traveling has no shame)。
Oh my Gosh, I can’t believe Suke-san and Kaku-san, the public servant duo who were thought to possess the highest samurai character that all Japanese people look up to, are actually assisting Koumon-sama’s mammary harassment (especially serious Kaku-san, since Suke-san is a renowned womanizer in the series). I mean they were my childhood heroes. This shocking moment surely demystifies them, exposed to be just Adolf Eichmann, the worse bureaucrat of all. Loyalty turns out to be blind obedience.
Spread The Breast Around!
Capitalism is based on how much you make. But in the Japanese feudalism, caste system was based on the breast size in this anime. And the most powerful clan was the Manyuu clan, a spoof of the Yagyuu clan (柳生), the swordsmanship instructor family to the Tokugawa shogunate. 魔乳 (Magical Breast). “Magic Boob” instead of Mozart’s Magic Flute.
Do big breasts correlate with success? Probably, good-looking men and women get more calls after the job interviews, according to John Stossel’s program. I also heard that height matters. The taller you are, the higher your income will be. And taller high heels also correlate with more success in career. Yes, American presidents were tall. Sex appeal is related to success. So, in America, size matters. So certainly, bigger breasts have more advantages.
Friedrich Nietzsche said what separates mankind from beasts are art, religion, and philosophy. But according to Manyuu, it’s おっぱい (oppai), or 乳 (chichi). Chichi is what separates mankind from the other primates. Female monkeys have chichi just to feed children. It doesn’t have fat in it. Plain flat. Nothing sexual. Monkeys are hairy and they don’t walk tall with two feet. So, they can’t really see chichi. Since humans stand straight up, the first thing we notice is chichi. So, chichi has evolved to be sexual organs. Otherwise, fat in the chichi is unpractical. For female monkeys, only butt is sexual, since their butts turn red when they’re turned on.
Obviously, chichi gets your swift attention for the first impression. During the Marie Antoinette time, noble women exposed their cleavage at their fashionable circles. So, the bigger the chichi, the higher the social status. The cleavage was a symbol of richness, i.e., wealth. That’s why Marie Antoinette said to the hungry girls, “Got no bread? Then why don’t y’all eat cakes (to grow your boobs)?” So, nutrition level directly reflected on the chichi size. It wasn’t like today’s America, where obese epidemic runs amok. But only chichi, girls want to add fat on. Yes, breast obesity is what they idealize. It’s a selective obesity. Supermodels have a stick figure body with disproportionate 巨乳(Kyo-nyuu), 豊乳 (hou-nyuu), large chichi. 男は度胸、女は豊胸 (man is strong chest, woman is abundant chest)。
The Manyuu chichi enlargement technique is strictly classified, because they want to keep exclusive access to this intellectual property to dominate Japan. A big corporate monopoly over the entire market. But Manyuu Chifusa (魔乳 千房), a pun of Chibusa (乳房 “breast”), is resenting their injustice, so she escapes from her own clan with the secret scroll book, thus the name Manyuu Hikenchou (Manyuu’s secret sword book). So, she can save the girls with small breasts from poverty cycle. Yes, Chifusa is indeed leading the open source movement. That’s why the patent trolls are hired by the Manyuu corporation to capture Chifusa and recover the source. Repossession hitman. If every girl gets big breasts, does size matter anymore? There won’t be any distinction between the noble class and the folks anymore, since all girls will be privileged. Yes, Chifusa is la fillette révolutionnaire. Power to the people!
The enhancement technique is even more advanced than today’s breast implant. Chifusa’s sword, Nyuuzan (乳斬), is a miraculous scalpel for breast augmentation. Yes, power to revolutionize the world. She can take away the enemy’s breast and add it to hers by cutting the opponent’s breast (chichi-nagare 乳流れ “breast flow” i.e., “breast transplant”). And there’s no side effect. No silicon or prescription needed. You’re as healthy as ever. And if her technique gets more advanced, she will be able to redistribute the breast to girls with smaller chest. Thus, the ultimate redistribution of wealth. Chifusa the Robbin Hood! Redistribution of wealth is redistribution of breast. (富の再分配 = 乳の再分配) “Spread the breast around” would be Chifusa’s sound bite at the town hall meetings. The ultimate social justice! Liberate the folks from Manyuu’s mammary abuse!