Moetics: My Otaku Life, Part 3 Fin

Part 3: Finale

7. The Paradise Lost: USA

I. Freedom

Until this day, I still remember all the girls I fell in love from my adolescent years. I will remember them forever even if this body deteriorates and perishes. But, I can never meet them again because they are all grown old, probably married up and having kids. Reality ruins my memory of school uniform eternal feminine. They have to be eternal in me. But in reality, they are impermanent, just like Sailor uniform covered with Sakura petals like Da Capo’s song… Sakura is so evanescent. People from the East Coast knows exactly what I’m talking about, especially from the D.C. area. They are very impermanent like Sakura. They are lost forever like Sakuya-hime. So, what was the point of staying in Japan?

The Paradise Lost is the School Lost. School should have been my paradise. Etymologically, the word “school” comes from σχολή (schole) in Greek. It meant “leisure, pastime, free time.” Yes, a time for freedom. Thus, school is supposed to be the land of free. Yes, school should be a free place where ren-ai (romance) would flourish, where the giggling and laughter of beautiful maidens take place. I wanted to immerse myself in that paradise. That’s why when I see gakuen-rabukome (school romantic comedy), I always get really emotional. It totally takes me back to the past.

However, the real high school was the Asura world. Yanki were roaming around like hungry wolves, and girls were following them like strayed cats. It was simply madness. And that was the time I began to think, “What the hell is wrong with this world!” It was simply not right. I really hoped Sailor Moon would beat the hell out of them, and liberate us from their tyranny. And when I turned 17, I read the Declaration of Independence, the best document ever written in the world history by Thomas Jefferson. Reading a Jeffersonian document totally changed my outlook on life. From that moment, I was an American patriot and a freedom lover. I was a freedom seeker. Freedom was my path. Yes, 求道者 (kyūdōsya). A path-seeker. And my hope was America. Since then, I was aiming at America, the land of free, at least get out of this defiled land of Yamato.

Freedom was the reason I wanted to come to America since I couldn’t experience any freedom in Japan, “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down society. At school, at work, no matter where you were, we would get hammered. It was ridiculous. Plus, there was no skinship. No skinship, no happy. Just like that Hong Kong proverb, “No love, no happy.” That’s why Otaku went underground and became hikikomori. Yes, in fact, they became Underground Man. Therefore, I made a life time decision to pass Ellis Island, and finally I made it to America, the land of free. “May Goddess of Liberty bless me!”

However, America was not what I dreamed in my school years. It turned out to be totally different from what I imagined. It was not America but NAFTA. NAFTA was my reality, i.e., 3-D. I should call it naftaesque. Yes, American reality was pretty naftaesque. What kind of country was this? It was totally different from the Hollywood movies and MTV videos I saw. I thought the West, especially America, was the place for freedom, where people were enjoying freedom every night. Even in Kiss x Sis, an anime with full of skinship, two big sisters tell their younger brother while having skipship, “This is a normal greeting in Europe and America.”

Kiss x Sis is a bit going too far, but it tells how America is freedom-embracing. Evident in Hollywood films and MTV shows, and of course Girls Gone Wild and notorious Sex And The City, America was free enough for me. American women were so sexually assertive that Lenny Kravitz had to tell them to stay away from him. I was like, “Yes, American women!” And also, the Star Spangled Banner was originally the theme song of the Anacreontic Society, praising Bacchus and Venus, wine and women, i.e. eroticism. And Venus, a Roman erotic goddess of the Romance language cultures, is crystallized in the French/Italian movie La Matriarca (English title “The Libertine”). That’s why I came to worship the West. Historically, freedom came from the West. Declaration of Human Rights, Bill of Rights, American revolution, French revolution, worker’s rights, civil rights, women’s rights, gay rights, and green movement. And the greatest country in the West was of course the United States of America. That is why I wanted to be a part of this freedom embracing civilization.

In turn, growing up in Japan, I couldn’t be proud of that country, its imperialist history was gloomy, committing tons of atrocity in wars, and humiliating defeat with nuclear destruction. The Japanese society was too rigid, too structured, too formal, and too ritualistic. Even though Gen. MacArthur banned aristocracy and dissolved the Emperor cult, making Hirohito declare that he was a human, it is still aristocratic, and crony capitalism runs amok. A recent resignation of Hatoyama and Ozawa tells that. And no female Emperor is allowed in Japan under the notorious Salic law. Taiikukai-kei (equivalent to Jock) machismo rules the country. Monarchism is not fair because it is contrary to democracy. And there was no freedom of expression. If you speak out against the monarch, the domestic terrorists would resort to violence. Thus, the media never criticize the Emperor. The then mayor of Nagasaki city was shot by an imperial extremist because he said Hirohito had responsibility in WWII. It was a Theo Van Gogh moment.

But in America, you can march with the pictures of Bush or Obama with Hitler mustache. We can say our President is like a Nazi. Nobody will get shot. Glenn Beck can make fun of the First Children, but he won’t get killed because of that. But in Japan, people will get bullets when they bad-mouth Akihito and his imperial family. It’s like bad-mouthing prophet Muhammad in Islamic nations. Even in a monarchy like UK, freedom to speak out against the monarch is protected. They have the fundamental right to criticize the authority. But in Japan there is no Sex Pistol screaming, “God save the Queen, she ain’t no human being!” The Tea Party movement is impossible in Japan. The American people historically have spilled blood to defend the 1st Amendment, and also with the leadership of the Gipper defeated the Soviet gulag regime. American President, the defender of freedom, America = freedom. So I had high hope in a free country. That was the kind of America I dreamed. Thus, I moved to the land of free.

But, as I lived in America, I figured it was all lie. By the time I came, Bushite monarchism ruled, and America was even more macho than Japan. I warn any otaku watching Kiss x Sis and thinking America is a free country. Kiss x Sis is misleading. Yamada from B gata H kei also says America is liberal (or “libertine” might be a better word? As Patrick Hentai says, “Libertine or Death!“). She is clearly misleading. I can tell from my experience living in America. And after that tragedy in Virginia caused by allegedly a love-shy Korean student, Asian students probably got backlash just like Muslim students did after 9/11. That’s why I haven’t been able to get any. Asians are the minority model, but we barely see any Asian men dating interracially in the Hollywood films.

Years ago, I read Barack Obama’s Dreams From My Father in which he talks about his high school friend Ray, a black-American, who claimed he couldn’t get any because he was black, and Asian girls were worse for they had internalized racism, so they wouldn’t go out with Ray. And that was in one of the most multicultural states in America, Hawaii. And what’s worse, I am an immigrant with weird accent. I’m not even seen as an American. I am totally the Other to them. Yes, I’m foreign. If I read Dreams From My Father much earlier, I would not have come to America. The only source of info was Hollywood films, so I was lied to. My freedom has been trampled upon.

I was exalted when Obama won. I was so happy that we finally defeated racism. It was unimaginable 20 years ago. All the world celebrated his victory. We’ve come a long way. However, despite his awesome historical victory, despite high hope for change, as the time has gone by, I have come to realize that nothing has changed. I still can’t get any. After his victory, I thought about quitting Otaku, but women are still the same, they don’t objectify me. So I can’t be a part of the amalgam of America. I’m still an alien. I’m alienated from society like a hikikomori in Japan. It is much easier for immigrant girls to get married with American dudes than for immigrant boys with American girls. Unless you’re a macho man like Schwarzenegger marrying a Kennedy. And for soshoku-kei immigrant boys, we can never get to see a green card, but a yellow card, and the worst, a red card.

I was personally offended when Birthers tried to make Obama a foreign-born. Some of them are claiming that he is not actually an American but a Kenyan. They don’t know what is like to be an alien. Sting also sings about what is like to be an alien in New York. Anyway, why can’t an immigrant run for President? Aren’t we all equal? Naturalized citizens are forever foreign then. If any U.S. citizen has right to run for President, then we don’t have this stupidity like birthers. It’s very unfortunate that Schwarzenegger lost his political credibility that totally killed the possibility of a constitutional amendment. So, foreign-borns will never be fully integrated into America.

Estrangement, alienation, and isolation, i.e. anomie. So, I’m still an outcast today in the New World like I was in Japan. Probably I will be questioned in Arizona because of my foreign accent. A nation of immigrants? E Pluribus Unum? Really? Then, why am I feeling alienated? It doesn’t sound like utopia, does it?

After all, I’ve come to realize America is still the 3-D world. It’s not 2-D. America is not a paradise nor the Promised Land that Martin Luther King had seen on the mountaintop. Since then, I haven’t been able to trust any politician. It’s useless to believe in change. I’m still an alien, alienated from 3-D, a disengaged Otaku having a broken relationship with the naftaesque world. I want to achieve oneness with girls so I can be part of the American community. But that has constantly been proven to be impossible.

Statue of Libertine

II. Nikushoku-kei vs Soshoku-kei

What’s worse, according to Bill O’Reilly,

“they [women] like macho men in the United States, because we don’t have the health care system. In countries where you are physically not secure, women go for the warrior/protector. In countries where you are physically secure, where you have access to everything that can make — they don’t need the warrior.”

I came to the wrong country, supposedly the freest country on earth, but freedom is not simply there for us. Freedom is only limited to Nikushoku-kei dudes. Soshoku-kei boys, nice sensitive guys finish last. So, in America, nice guys are the last man. Earlier this year, Obama signed the health care bill, and if what O’Reilly said was true, I would have been all for Obamacare. The better the health care system is, the more desirable Otaku are. Limited resources are the root of violence. Therefore, if resources become more accessible, violence will decrease. In fact, the main reason that bonobos are far more peaceful than chimpanzees is availability of resources according to Richard Wrangham, a British primatologist from Harvard University. Thus, girls will be preferring sensitive guys over violent dudes. But that’s not the case, at least I have never seen any. I know this because I came from a country where the health care system was excellent, with the highest life expectancy rate in the world, but I couldn’t have any skinship with girls. No girl had made an obentou (lunch box) for me. Girls still preferred nikushoku-kei. I never had any girl hit on me, but instead treated me like trash. They didn’t need the aggressive warrior, but they still went for them. Maybe for bonobos, it works when they have access to everything without competition, but for humans, male violence is still prevalent. It will take too long to see the world without male violence in our lifetime. So, I can’t count on Obamacare to rescue me. Obamacare is hopeless. After all, Obama is a 3-D person, not 2-D. Why should I have a great expectation for him?

So, why do girls still want the warrior even though we don’t need hunters to have access to resources? But why do they still need a macho fighter? Why do they still need the protector? What is their threat? What are they afraid of? What is their physical insecurity?

Their insecurity comes from macho men. That’s why girls choose violent dudes to protect themselves from violent dudes. We needed these people to protect from the beasts when we lived in the wild. But not anymore, but evolution hasn’t been catching up because macho men have become the new wild beasts. So, basically girls protect themselves from the wild beasts by taming another beast. Beauty and The Beast depicts the world as it is. Having a tamed wolf (dog) as a pet to repel the wolves. It is a vicious cycle. Girls want their sons to be strong enough to survive in a violent world, so they marry up violent dudes, and pass down violent genes, and educating them to be “noble” beasts even though it’s just putting lipstick on a beast, but it’s still a beast. That’s why Sousuke is still popular.

That is like Togame using Shichika as her sword in Katanagatari. And what does Togame do? Trampling upon the 2nd Amendment! Taking away the right to bear arms from the people! It’s katanagari (sword hunt) by the big government. Thus, people lose independence. The same goes for women. They are utterly dependent on macho men for safety, security, and protection, so they are far from being independent. If women arm themselves with guns, they don’t need macho men. But instead of owning guns, they own macho men: walking WMD. Thus, feeding a sense of helplessness in women. This is the utmost reason why human beings are prevented from evolving.

Women can’t walk alone at night, yet they don’t bear arms. They still rely on violent dudes to protect themselves instead. And gun control, today’s katanagari, makes macho men more on demand. Thus, it goes against evolution. Under gun control, we can’t have the sword, so we need to beg macho men to protect us. In California, we can’t even own a nunchaku. Thus, macho men are going amok, and their aggressiveness dominates America. It’s a nanny state by Nikushoku-kei men. That’s why a nanny is macho man with machine guns. That is what America is. This gun hunt eventually leads to an ultimate nanny state. If only we pass down non-violent gene…

America is highly a crime society. We can’t walk alone at night. There are just too much violence: terrorism, murder, rape, torture, robbery, mugging, extortion, street fight, gang war, domestic abuse, and so on. If there’s violence, there’s no freedom. Terrorists still threaten our freedom everyday. The Comedy Central just self-censored South Park after receiving a death threat from Muslim extremists. The G-pen succumbs to the sword. I can’t believe it. This is like the Japanese media never dare to make fun of the monarch. As long as violent criminals exist, we are not truly free. But we can’t just sit and do nothing, waiting for them to go away.

Thus, we need violence to counter violent extremists. The government, historically always a violent entity, a force, is a necessary evil. Gansters and police officers are both physically threatening. Violence with counter-violence. Devil must be driven out with devil. Yoma (monster) must be driven out with yoma like Claymore. Meet evil with evil. Vicious cycle. Bad karma. That’s why women prefer violent men over peaceful boys. Their psychology is like Stockholm syndrome. They are crazy about violent kidnappers, dreaming about getting kidnapped by a macho man in shining armor on a white horse. We live in a society where violent men are taking girls hostage. That’s why security moms dominate voting booths.

Tolstoy wrote War And Peace, but in reality it’s War Over Peace. Violence over peace. Peace through strength means Peace through violence. Yet, at least we want to replace violent dudes with gun powder. Peace through gun power. Women don’t need macho men but weapon. Otherwise, macho men will overprotect and abuse women. So, gun hunt is detrimental to women empowerment, thus it is detrimental to feminism. Gun is the cause of violence? No, violent men are. Guns don’t kill people, but violent men do. What we need is not gun control, but violent men control. And this will be done by the women empowerment.

But, the mainstream media is telling women that they need a macho man. Romance novels are all about that. Fabio dupes girls with his nonsense smooth-talking, “I will be your shield and sword forever.” Then, a tough girl drops her sword, dives in his arms, and gets carried straight to bed. In turn, Otaku never gets Esmeralda. We are hikikomori in the attic of the Notre Dame. We had enough of the media spewing this garbage. The media’s message to girls, “the macho man is mightier than the sword.” That’s why the mainstream media are in favor of gun control. If women empower themselves with the 2nd Amendment, then they wouldn’t need macho men, so they would start dating soshoku-kei, and then eventually violent men would disappear. So it will be peace through peace.

Adolf Hitler also said in Mein Kempf, Our peace is not supported by the palm branches of a tearful pacifist and professional female mourner, but is founded by the victorious sword of a people of overlords” Hitler is advocating peace through violence. He was quoted to say, “The only useful are those who can throw a punch.” As long as overlords (demonic males) dominate the world, the world will be ruled by Hitler’s worldview. And the best way to avert that is the female empowerment. That will push the envelope to lead evolution and revolution.

I mean if women’s physical strength is equal to men’s, this wouldn’t be a problem. Women would be able to fight off rapists. It’s all based on body size. Muscle size matters. And the violent trait of macho men is the threat. Tall and buff dudes are very threatening. They are the one preventing human beings from evolving. Either women become stronger, or macho men should go extinct and only soshoku-kei boys will live. Otherwise, violence will continue to oppress our freedom.

That’s why women are extra-cautious all the time. And so are soshoku-key boys. For this reason, we are hesitant to go outside. Women can find a “rational” macho man to protect themselves, but soshoku-kei boys can’t. We don’t have anybody to protect us. Mahoro and Kurumi don’t exist. And since women go for nikushoku-kei, we can’t pass down our genes. So, hikikomori is an endangered species unprotected by the Treaty of Washington. I urge the U.N. to include hikikomori in the category also. For now the best thing we can do is withdraw and hide like Anne Frank during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands, the most ex-libertine place in the world (their freedom died with Theo Van Gogh’s assassination). That’s why Anne’s Diary is a bible for hikikomori. It’s a brutal world out there. Soshoku-kei boys are often the target of blanket party. Hence, it is better to play MMORPG or watch anime in our own room. But, we are despised as haijin (a person who got into hobby too much to have social life, literally “crippled person,” e.g., video game addiction).

In Hayate-no-gotoku Episode 15, Nagi, a NEET/hikikomori girl, is saying, “I think I would be a loser if I work.” In fact, citizens didn’t work in the ancient Greece. Labor was reserved for slaves and prisoners. Labor-free people were citizens. But today we pseudo-citizens are forced to work. Are we really “citizens”? We have right to vote and run for office, but not right to be free from labor? Man, by today’s Puritan Work Ethic standards, ancient Greeks would be seen as lazy bastards. Please don’t say “You are lazy.” Don’t we have the right to be lazy? The longer hours are always better in the corporate culture. Requesting shorter hours and longer vacations are frowned upon in NAFTA. So, puritanism is actually the slave morality. Labor is what prisoners do. Yes, labor is a punishment. Since the Eden expulsion, men have to cultivate the soil, and women have to go through labor: productive and reproductive pain. It is naftaesque absurdity that Dostoevsky experienced in prison. Why do free citizens have to do labor? Isn’t labor contrary to liberty/libertine? Didn’t Lincoln abolish slavery? And the word Libertine originally meant “an emancipated slave.” Thus, a libertine is the real citizen. Labor should be done by computers and robots. I-Fairy can take over that for us, so we can be free from labor, so we can be libertines. Sounds extreme? Well, extremism in the defense of libertine is no vice! Right to work is just as deceptive as Arbeit Macht Frei is. Therefore, the outside world is very deceptive. That is why hikikomori are extremely alerted.

The same goes for deers, they are very alerted, even a little noise in the bush will make them jump. However, deers in Japan don’t fear humans any more. They used to be very timid, shy, and extra-cautious. They didn’t come near humans. But, after the extinction of the Japanese wolves, now deers come down to city and approach humans to beg food. Once carnivorous beasts are gone, deer’s timidness has disappeared. So, if violent males disappear, women would be more assertive. They wouldn’t be shy anymore. They would be begging us to go out. Hence, the world without violence is better. The world without WMD is better. The world without Saddam Hussein is better. The world without Bin Laden is better. The world without Kim Jong-Il is better. The world without the alpha male is better. The world without violent males is better.

Sōshoku-kei are not threatening at all. We are sensitive nice guys. So, it should be natural that girls prefer us, but they don’t. And they even think we are disgusting to date. In fact in Japan, the media always report that Otaku may be the No.1 suspect whenever sex crimes occur. Some ill-informed social commentators always imply that the suspect is a Moe-figure-zoku. The media are clearly macho-biased. We have to break that prejudice. We need more Otaku in the media, but it is hard to break into that macho establishment.

Yet, we have an alternative. Anime-Otaku blogs are the revolutionary press to counter the macho media and the government propaganda. No wonder the Obama government doesn’t like blogs, and even tech-gadgets like iPhone, iPad and PS3 because these are empowering us. That’s how we fight back. The pen is mightier than the sword! Not the macho man. And Anime Diet is the epitome of freedom. We deserve the 1st Amendment Award. Otaku are the most peaceful people on earth. We protest peacefully. Soshoku-kei are the inheritor of Satyagraha that had a huge influence on Martine Luther King. We are the Filhos de Gandhy (children of Mahatma Gandhi).

Maybe in Sweden, girls may feel attracted to Sōshoku-kei if what O’Reilly is saying is true. I don’t know. I’ve never been there. Should I move to Sweden? At least, Swedish pop music like Cardigans sounds very feminine to me, even Krauser II praises Swedish pop in DMC. And a cardigan is an embodiment of femininity like Kurumi-chan. She must be Swedish. I mean American girls are the one supposed to be libertine. But, they are rather NAFTA girls than American girls. That’s why they aren’t libertine. So, Swedish girls are way ahead of American women. Shouldn’t America always be No. 1? Too bad America is behind. Ah, there may be a lot of Nikushoku-kei girls in Sweden. What a wonderful place… Probably I can get hit on by a girl like Yamada from B gata H kei. Yes, Swedish girls! Hit on me. Hunt me. I’m always available, baby! I always wear a red head scarf. I am a lamb for you.

But financially I can’t move to Sweden. We all have tough time in America now, the worst recession since Great Depression. I know the standard of living is relatively affordable in Latin-America, and I hear Latin-American girls are wild, but they exclusively prefer macho-men, especially in Brazil. Latin-America is still the Third World, where they have less resources available, so more macho men are bossing around. One time I was thinking about moving to Brazil, but I ain’t got no chance over there. I can’t attain freedom. Maybe, seeking freedom in 3-D was already a mistake, a very foolish thing to do. Ah, how tough it is to be sōshoku-kei…

So, the only hope I seek is in 2-D. And anime is the Promised Land, the land of free, so anime is real America. Through unity with moe, achieving oneness with moekko, we can enter the Kingdom of Moe. Yes, moekko is the real American woman. Yamada is the real American woman! And that’s how I can be a real American. Not a phony 3-D American. We can be the true first man. So, why worry about getting Green Card? Moe can already make me an American spiritually. Yes, moe is freedom that I seek. And moe is the path. So, I’m a kyudosha, and in this case, 求萌者 kyūmoesha (moe-seeker) at the same time. Thus, our freedom is found in anime, and moe is salvation for us.

Nikushoku-kei girl towering over soshoku-kei boy.

III. Socioeconomics

The market, which Jesus of Nazareth drove off from the temple, is a measurement of our pain. The market has declared that we are unmarketable, unproductive, and unreproductive. The market itself is the world of megalothymia. There is a constant humiliation in it. And in a severe case, this results in agoraphobia. The word agora means “marketplace,” and phobia means “fear” in Greek, so it is a fear of the market, which largely affects a huge population of hikikomori. Welcome to NHK (NAFTA Hikikomori Kyokai). We have been constantly belittled that we can’t do anything, and we can’t be anything we want in reality.  And reality (3-D) is the market. And the market is zetsubou (despair).

On the other hand, anything is possible in anime. Oh, my Goddess! Ochimono like Verdandi can fall from the sky and save the wretched like me. Or, I can be a hero to save Brunhilde. I can be Tristan with that Wagnerian music. I can be a life guard like Hayate-kun, a heroic butler saving his mademoiselle from drowning. Ronald Reagan used to be a life guard too. Or I can be saved by a maid leader, Maria-sama, almost identical to Mariel, voiced by the same exquisite goddess-incarnated seiyū Tanaka Rie. Either way, I can achieve girls’ acceptance and recognition.

Yet in reality, I was born soshoku-kei, so there has been no demand from girls. Thus, no market. How can you be a product when there’s no demand? Supply-side economy is impossible without the demand. And without the demand, there’s no productivity. Simply a left-over in a garbage can to be thrown into a dumpster. A dumpster is where we end up. But I always dream that I will go from a dumpster to the dragon rider, but that won’t happen in reality. If we are not a valuable product, then we are unproductive and unmarketable, and unreproductive. Therefore, we are going to face involuntary celibacy, or incel, which is basically involuntary sterilization. In other words, involuntary abstinence. So, I am pretty much invisible in the market.

Sōshoku-kei are the minority now. So, our numbers are limited. Then, we’re supposed to be highly valued because economy is all about unlimited wants over limited resources. We are limited resources. So we should be desirable. But where are girls? Yeah, where are they? None! They always say, “I already got boyfriend, sorry.” And later I learn some of them are not actually seeing anybody. How hurtful is that! What a melancholic world! Belonging to make-gumi (loser-class), it only brings me melancholy like Haruhi. Only Mikuru‘s bouncing bakunyū would alleviate my pain, just temporarily though…

That’s why we need Yamada. She is the demand. Her existence will suddenly make us worthy. She makes us a winner, and we will be able to join kachi-gumi (winners-class). Otherwise, we will wither and vanish like a haze. We continue to be invisible like Echo. No girl recognizes us. When girls play peckaboo (fort/da game), いないいないばあ (inai-inai-bā in Japan), we are always fort (invisible) to them. Fort = unproductive, unreproductive, unmarketable. We are always alienated and separated, thus we always suffer from separation anxiety. Even though we vent out, “I’m here!” like Celie from Color Purple or “tá mé anseo (I’m here)” like Celty from Durarara!, we don’t exist in the eyes of girls. Thus, we are invisible in the marketplace.

Aristotle was wrong by saying, “But he who is unable to live in a society…must be either a beast or a god.” Hikikomori too! He who is invisible in the market must be a god. His hand is invisible according to Adam Smith. And hikikomori too. Yes, that means we are equal to a god. So, we will continue to be hikikomori. But even though a god is invisible, he is recognized. He is worshiped. We aren’t. If only we were recognized with a kiss…like this OP of Kimikiss Pure Rouge. “Kiss Kiss Koi-wo-shiteru-yo!” Yes, a dude drops a paper because of kiss. He is too ecstatic to hold himself together. Ah, I really want a kiss! Even Yamada (Yukarin) sings, “Kiss me, baby!” I want Yamada’s kiss because her kiss is on my list of the best things in life. Just like fish needs water, Otaku needs kiss. Without kiss, a mermaid would die. She would fail to be human. Without skinship, we don’t feel like we’re living. We don’t feel like human. We don’t feel worth living. There’s no raison d’être without a kiss. The most elegant form of skinship! Kiss is our ultimate bliss! Give me kiss or give me death! That’s why a hikikomori needs CPR from moekko. Yes, a kiss from moekko like Steel Angel Kurumi! Resuscitate our dead body! A miracle that starts with a kiss. Yes, a kiss can make us a god! Her prāna or chi will save us.

We’re already in the 21st century, so it’s not human to fight with horns to get a female. Only beasts would do that. Macho men are more beast-like, and we soshoku-kei are more evolved to be human. Old-type Sousuke will disappear, and New-type Sousuke will emerge. He is the new Siegfried. Chidori and Capt. Tessa will prefer new Sousuke. But the market dictates that you have to be a beast to attain sex. That’s why macho men are still dominating with violence. With Puritan machismo, sex is only available to more violent males. Thus, males have to be more violent to get laid. So, the violent DNA remains strong. It is a vicious cycle. Whoever has the biggest horn will get all females. Yes, the alpha males indeed. In the elephant seals world, only 4 % of males get to have 88% of the whole copulations according to Richard Dawkins. Aren’t we supposed to be more evolved than elephant seals?

The same goes with imperialism. The mightiest military power rules the world like the British Empire before WWI. Now, America has the largest amount of nukes on earth, possessing the highest number of WMD, thus America dominates the world. America is like a beef-eating bully on steroids. America needs to go green, and become vegetarian. It’s time for America to stop taking steroids. We don’t need the horn in humanity. We just don’t. But that’s how the world is right now. Instead of Beauty and Otaku, it is Beauty and the Beast. And it’s not going to change anytime soon. That’s why I’m despaired with 3-D.

As you already know, I loathe men’s world. The market is exactly a macho world. If you imagine men’s room at school, you get the idea. It’s filthy. You can tell from vulgar graffiti on the wall. Violence and hatred, war against all other men. Homophobia is due to this machoism. Dog eats dog world. In this cruel and brutal competitive world, I am the one who needs to be saved. I want to take refugee in the beautiful maidens’ world that ordinary dudes can never get to engage like Lillian All Girls High School and the Ichigo dormitory. It was a mistake that I was born male. That fact hinders me from being around girls. I want to be in an all girls’ school but unfortunately I’m a dude, so I can’t.

I don’t really care if America is capitalism or socialism. As long as I can have romantic pleasure with girls, I have no grudge toward anybody and any society that is constantly lying to us. The difference between capitalism and socialism is just whether the hand is invisible or not. For socialism, the hand is of a big brother. Not oneesan (big sister). But it is still the market. It’s strictly based on marketability, productivity, and reproductivity. It’s based on violent machismo whether it is a private sector or a public sector. It’s like the temple before Christ drove the merchants out, yes, den of thieves. Business leaders, religious leaders, and the government, they were all behind Christ’s crucifixion. We will still be judged by how marketable, productive, and reproductive we are. If we try to live beyond these criteria, or at least trying to transcend them, we will get shunned. We will face persecutions. We will be ostracized and alienated as outcasts. In a worst case, we will end up like Christ on the cross.

And what’s worse in America, puritanical ethics is trampling upon our freedom. And ironically American puritans are worshiping God which has recently become the Chinese communist machismo. When they recite the Lord’s Prayer, they are asking China to forgive America’s debt. Therefore, not only NAFTA but also the global market, a combination of capitalism/communism and puritanism, is all den of bullies trampling upon our freedom. So it is double-binding economically and ethically.

Since no girl's demand for otaku (soshoku-kei boys, snags, NEET/Hikikomori), no market for us. Thus, we're unmarketable in NAFTA, end up incel.

IV. Indigo Children

We are the Indigo children. We can’t be bound by the socioeconomic system. Indigo is Ai in Japanese, so Aoi-chan from Ai-yori-Aoshi (“bluer than indigo,” or symbolically “Aoi-chan of indigo” since aoi means “blue”) is one of my moekkos. Ah, its anime song, reminds me. This anime is already 8 years ago. Wow, time is so quick. Each year, each month, each week, each day, each hour, each minute, each second, we’re getting older. I never want to grow old. Help me! I really want to stay young forever. If I could, I want to be a high school student again and remake my 17 years old life, which was supposed be the most beautiful day of my life. The climax of leisure. But I couldn’t have any skinship with girls, of course never exchanging kisses, and even holding hands. I didn’t even receive any obento from girls. So, it was the age of 17 that I was looking for myself, read the Declaration of Independence, and stepped over the rainbow.

The legendary Inoue Kikuko said 17 is bittersweet; 16 is a sweet kid and 18 is a bitter adult. Probably her theory is close to Britney’s “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.” Something in between, a limbo state. Moratorium stage. An adult-child. But I will elaborate more of that. 17 years old, usually 2nd year (junior) of high school in Japanese education system, is top notch. The 1st year is usually adjusting to a new school environment, and the senior year is the time for the college entrance exam war. So, the 2nd year is the best time to enjoy school life, especially ren-ai (romance). It is the ideal state, the Paradise indeed.

But they failed me. They ruined my school life. And my high school year is over. It’s the past. And I can never go back. Ah, impermanence is evanescence. Everything falls apart in 3-D. It’s depressing. A sense of nihilism puts me even more into anime. During my pessimistic years, Aoi-chan was the first 2-D girl I had a moe on. Indigo hair color, and indigo kimono! Perfect for Indigo children. And that outdated Taisho hairstyle! In such a cruel world like this, and in times like these, that kind of moekko is who we need. The epitome of gentleness, softness, tenderness, and sweetness. What a relief. I wish there were more girls like her. Yet, evolutionarily challenged girls in 3-D prefer violent males who might commit massacre tomorrow. But moekko prefers snags like us, so she is definitely an eternal feminine of the Indigo children.

8. The Paradise Regained

Will To Moe

Here’s Otaku’s lamentation, “I have never been able to happily mingle with girls, so I’ve never had a good time as a dude. I want to be a girl, so I can mingle with girls without any difficulties.” Yes, I want to be a girl. I wish I could be born as a girl. That’s why Hideyoshi, Miyanokouji Mizuho, and Natsuru are really my ideals. Yet, that is impossible to turn into a girl in reality. So, I hate myself as a dude. Yes, it’s self-loathing. Only in anime, I can forget that I’m a dude. Whenever I watch gender-switch anime, it is very liberating. But in 3-D, all I can do is cosplay/crossplay, becoming an anime character.

I am 17 at heart. Spiritually I am eternally 17 years old. High school supposed to be the climax of my adolescent years, but it wasn’t. I failed to experience that. Inoue Kikuko created a cult called the 17-sai-kyo. How awesome is that! She also thinks like me. But physically she isn’t, though she claims she is 17 years old plus xxxxx days. Once past, nobody can be 17 again. I can’t be 17 again. It is the past. I wish I could remake my life by pressing the reset button in a video game. I’m from a Buddhist culture, but I’m not sure if reincarnation really exists, so I can never rely on the next life to become 17 again. Girls may evolve to be more assertive in dating, but that will take too long. And that’s impossible within my lifespan. We’re already dead by then when they completely evolve and there are no more macho men bossing around. This life is simply too short. I wish I could be immortal and young forever. I want to gain eternal youth, but that’s impossible. Therefore, only pessimism remains. I feel nihilistic. Therefore, life is Saudade.

But in 2-D, we can be 17. As a 17 years old high school kid, I want to remake my Eden. That’s why I have moe in 2-D world. It is physically impossible to be 17 again, but eternal youth is moetically possible. That’s how I attain the Paradise Regained. That’s how we attain freedom. For these reasons, we Otaku are the true freedom seekers, thus we are the true Americans. And that is the essence of moe. Yes, Saudade is the Will to Moe.

Thus, Moe is the path to victory. We Otaku are the real winner!

Hideyoshi, the most renowned crossplayer


Thank you very much for reading my moetics. I appreciate your continuous support. I love to hear your kind of moetics from you. May Moe bless you all.

Author: Monsieur LaMoe

A refugee from Japan. Live in NAFTA. Get hooked on Moe. Moe is opium? Twitter: @MonsieurLamoe

12 thoughts on “Moetics: My Otaku Life, Part 3 Fin

  1. I’m not sure if you are for real, for this is the only piece of work i’ve read from you, but in that case don’t you think the solution would be if you can’t beat them, join them? It’s a matter of perception. I was bullied once too, but I figured it didn’t mean much to them. Interact with people you don’t know randomly, and you’ll figure some style that will suite you to attract girls. Do reflect on your life, and how you’ve been living it.

    I came from this article here: I’m in no way related to the writer of the article, but perhaps you should read it and take a look at other point of views.

    On another note, i love your language and style of writing.

    And please don’t start a flame war or whatnot with the other blogger, I’ve no wish to be responsible for that. =)

  2. @Apple Hat,

    I’m sorry that you were bullied. Despite that, you are extremely brave to go outside meeting new people. And that worked for you. That’s great!

    For me, 3-D world is too harsh. If soshoku-kei boy like me join them, what would happen to me? The outside world is dominated by unapologetic violent macho men. I had enough of that. I’d like to be in the women environment if I could. So, Otaku life suits me the best. It’s a matter of time that male Otaku would be chased down by girls. But I’m pretty pessimistic that it will happen in my lifetime.

    Thank you for the link. I just read it. Kylaran is an extremely bright individual. I am psycho-analyzed by Dr. Freud. I wrote my articles from my experience, but he gives a scientific approach to it. It’s very enlightening. I’m no way interested in flaming. But I think respectful debate is okay.

    Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it.

  3. It’s been a pleasure to read your series, M. LaMoe. You have fully explained why you equate Moe with Salvation, which was a link that was not immediately obvious to me. I’ve greatly enjoyed viewing a viewpoint so different with my own; naturally with its being so different, I don’t agree with it, or at least all of the conclusions you draw.
    I have to say, though, your philosophy is very internally consistent. You take your axioms and build your system upon them very thoroughly; though you occasionally make some cognitive leaps, all the important details seem sound to me. I don’t have any problem with your argumentation, I just don’t quite believe some of your axioms.
    The primary point on which I disagree with you is that women, or at least the romance and following sex for which they are the gateway are the ultimately desirable thing in the world. You say that, in Japan, you felt ultimately unfulfilled because the society denied you access to girls and the romance that necessitates them: it was such an incredibly painful hole in your life that you tried desperately to fill it by moving to the US, a move that you have designated as ultimately fruitless.
    I don’t agree with you deification of women. I don’t think that they and the romance associated with them are the secret to happiness; in fact, many of the philosophers you invoke (such as, notably, the Buddha and Jesus) actively declare that that the pursuit of women is not the way to true happiness, and I agree with that. I think, in fact, that many of your problems stem from this deification of women and the idea that they will fill the gaping hole you can feel in your being; more on this later.
    the second idea I object to is the idea that Moe is a reasonable substitute for human interaction. I don’t think this is true; I think that the Moe you suggest as a superior alternative to 3D amounts to eating lotuses. Consuming Moe doesn’t actually solve your problem, as you’ve no doubt realized, it just makes you feel better your a while, as you’ve stated above. I don’t think that Moe will set me free if the only thing it does is make me emotionally dependent upon it. I want to have the power to be a complete individual by myself, without needing a crutch.
    And now, it’s later. You talk about empowering women as one way to get shoushoku-kei some, and therefore facilitate human evolution. I agree with the idea of empowering women, but not empowering them above men; I believe in equality. That’s where my fundamental disagreement with your attitude about women comes from. You have elevated women to the highest rank you can; from the way you talk about it, you view attaining a woman as attaining enlightenment or salvation. It is my opinion that women are nothing of the like; they are not the key that will unlock the secrets of happiness; they are people, persons, as am I. It is not my place to deify, to worship them; neither is it my place to belittle and disenfranchise them. In fact, there is no “them,” it’s a we: women and men constitute a unity. I am for un-disenfranchising women. In my opinion, the way I can expedite this as a male of the species is to treat women no differently than I would men. This is kind of impossible, of course, because while two halves of a whole, they are two different halves, and being heterosexual I’m not ever going to romantically pursue a man as I would a woman. Still, I can try my hardest, and so try to balance out the inequality of perception that has gripped societies the world over for a very, very long time.
    The enslavement of women is the evil at one end of the “power-in-women’s-hands” spectrum; the enslavement of men is the evil at the other. You seem to be suffering from this; your perception of women as the Secret to Happiness is keeping you from self-actualizing yourself because you are convinced that you are nothing without a women. In respect to your particular situation, I think that empowering yourself would be a much more powerful tool than empowering women. Have the courage to view women as equals: I would guess that, if you can do that, a lot of the existential anguish you’re feeling will diminish. So the next time a cute girl at Starbucks smiles at you, don’t fall to pieces because she’s deigned to grace you with it; smile back, it’s only polite.
    Once more, I want to repeat that it’s been a very good experience to get in touch with a viewpoint this different; it is precisely because I respect its validity that I wish to challenge it. Seeing as this was the article series in which you detailed your opinions and explained your philosophy, I wanted to wait for you to finish it before I said anything, but now that you’ve published it in its entirety, I wanted to add my own views to the debate. Not trying to be antagonistic, just thought I’d put my two cents in there.
    Thank you once more for your unique opinions and your Moetics series, which has illuminated a lot of areas of your philosophy that were, before, in the dark.
    Keep at it!

  4. @Multiball,

    I didn’t intend to build my philosophy, but I wanted my fellow American otakus to understand my Otaku background. And you are giving me too much credit. I’m just a hapless Otaku who can’t have any luck with girls.

    And I’m glad that you read my whole moetic articles and understood my points, which is the most important thing. In order to refute the claims I’m making, you have to understand my points first. And you perfectly understand them, and that’s very good. I was afraid that my broken English would hinder readers from understanding my points. So, let me make my contentions.

    I acknowledge that you and I have a different ultimate desirable thing in our lives. For that, I have no contention to make. Yet, other contentions are:

    1. Skinship is very essential for human beings to feel wholesome. Japan, especially big city like Tokyo, is very mysophobic society. Lack of skinship is prevalent. So, moe is a virtual skinship and a path to become wholesome/complete. Moe can be a crutch or cane or raft to cross the torrent. Moe can be boots when you pull yourself up by your bootstraps. And moe is a constant process, it’s not like once you have moe, then it’s all done.

    2. I don’t make 3-D girls my Goddess. I don’t deify them. I only deify moekkos. If real girls were deities in Japan, I would never have come to America. And American girls ain’t no deity either. Mikos were known to sleep with men, so they used to be close to deities, e.g., Uzunome who revived the sun was very sexual. But mikos were demoted after Buddhism spread in Japan. Anyway, my point is real girls aren’t deities. That’s why I try to suppress my sexual desire when they trick my eyes with their erotic female shape, which is pseudo-divine. My head completely goes blank when they look at me with dazzling smile. Yet, I try to tell myself their body is not from divinity but from the flesh, a product of carnal desire. They are not equal nor unequal, nor above us, nor below us. I don’t see LGBT people as unequal nor equal either. My Goddess is moekko from anime or game.

    But here’s what we can agree. Women need empowerment. Plus, I’ve been to feminist rallies and protests several times. I carried placards and marched with them. I’m usually a hikikomori, but sometimes, even a hikikomori goes outside to join their cause since Otaku are all for women empowerment.

    3. I’m a believer of Lincoln’s emancipation proclamation. Emancipated slave is what a libertine is. So, I don’t believe in enslavement of anybody. I hope one day robots will replace us for corporate labor.

    4. I suffer because I have failed to have a mutual feeling with girls, not because of deification or putting them above us. And I already stated female empowerment wouldn’t lead evolution within my lifetime. Their attitude toward soshoku-kei boys won’t change over night. So, empowering myself with moe is much more practical than empowering women. Women empowerment serves interests of the future soshoku-kei generations, not mine. And I can’t get a fruit from the women liberation movement within my lifespan. And I can’t be 17 again. But I still join women movement anyway.

    5. Finally, viewing women equal doesn’t remove my anguish. Moe does. Hahaha, the girl at Starbucks, she was a tricky one. Yes, she was a cute Latina, you know, usually I can manage not to get carried away, but her figure looked very moekko, not like ordinary hot chicks. Her height was rather short, but had large oppai. Just like Kurumu-chan from Rosario & Vampire! Very moe element! That’s why when she suddenly smiled at me, I couldn’t figure what just happened. I lost my sense of spatial orientation at that moment. I know I know, I need more training. Yeah, I try to smile back next time rather than being moonstruck. So after all, I’m taking your advice.

    I know you aren’t antagonistic, you’ve been very respectful and I enjoyed your insight. You are making a really intelligent argument, but my essays are not philosophical nor designed for intellectual debate. It’s rather moetical.

    Anyway, thank you very much for reading and responding. It’s been pleasure get to know your insight.

  5. I can sense your pain about American girls. I immigrated to the U.S. from China couple years ago and I always dreamed about America as the land of opportunity for all things. I was wrong in a sense that it is not completely true. I felt the difference between the two cultures. I was able to adjust to American life but I face the same problem as you do—girls. American girls—-“sophiscticated”. I could not understand them and it is probably because I grew up in a society where we are not allowed to date each other in school. School was academic hell in China and I spent a lot of time watching Japanese Anime to alleviate stress and anime shows like Crayon ShinChan really made my childhood happier. I consider myself a nice guy and half of an otaku. Whenever I watch romantic comedy shows or the shows you mentioned above, I feel a deep hole in my heart in a sense that why couldn’t these things happen in real life. Sometimes I wish I can just jump into the fictional anime world………2D girls are nice but I have to constantly remind myself that they are indeed fake and they are very different from the 3D girls, there is nothing I can do but to face reality and that’s life….. And that’s it, that’s all it is.

    1. @John,

      First of all, thank you very much for sharing your experience with me. It’s eye-opening to know different cultural perspectives on America.

      I see. Schools in China are also academic hell. That’s similar to Japan, S. Korea, and Singapore. I guess the economically advanced Asian countries are like that? In these countries, kids are already under enormous stress. So basically we had similar experience. But interesting that Chinese society doesn’t let students to date. No skinship, hu? In Japan, it was completely okay, yet, no girl had ever… Yes, American girls…, I hear you. They are “sophisticated.” 3-D girls are “sophisticated” after all. Usually Otaku are nice guys, but the media tells otherwise that otaku are potential sex offenders.

      That’s cool. Can they air Shinchan’s sexual innuendo in China? I was also into Chibi Marukochan in my childhood. And Anpan-man too.

      Yes, I totally hear you. A deep hole in Otaku’s heart. Void. Emptiness. Yes, life is painful. Life is saudade (melancholic). That’s why I’m a hikikomori/otaku, because I can’t face 3-D. That’s why we need moe.

      Anyway, thank you for commenting. I really appreciate your insight.

  6. Girls are not some mystical force that, once you attract, will fix all of your problems. Even if you fall madly in love with someone and start going out with her, she cannot heal the hole in your heart left by the rest of society. That is for yourself to fix. This is the fundamental barrier that every human must overcome: the self.

    Girls are no different from guys. They can fill different roles depending on how they grew up, but men and women think the same things. We are only human. We do not plan and scheme to ruin the lives of men. We are imperfect and make mistakes just the same as any man. The kind of girls who go on TV and say they only want to go out with rich men give the rest of us a bad name, they do not represent womankind as a whole.

    It’s not about machismo, it’s about confidence. Girls like men who can support them. Some girls really like sensitive guys they can take care of, because they believe the guy won’t leave or cheat on them. But a girl won’t want to go out with someone who isn’t comfortable enough with himself to take a step forward and just talk to them. We just want to be looked at and respected as fellow human beings.

    Maybe moe can help you overcome your problem with the self. Society can be evil, but you can’t continue to blame the rest of society for all of your problems forever.

    I wish you luck, and I’m sorry America isn’t all you hoped it would be. But that’s life. It’s imperfect, and you have to try to work with what is presented to you. I hope you can find companionship.

    1. @A-ko

      Thank you very much for taking the time and write a comment on my little humble moetical rant. And I appreciate that you are shedding the light from different perspectives. I see, the self is the ultimate barrier…interesting. Never thought that way. Right, we aren’t gods, we’re a product of the flesh, we’re human after all, ecce homo. I feel the same.

      Here’s the only question mark pops up in my mind. “But a girl won’t want to go out with someone who isn’t comfortable enough with himself…” I think that’s the fundamental flaw why sensitive Indigo boys aren’t getting any, which is feeding machismo. If a boy is shy, why don’t a girl talk to him first? Why not take the initiative? Aren’t girls attracted to shy boys? I do respect women as human being, in fact I’ve been to feminist rallies and marched with them, carrying placards. But like you pointed out, 3-D girls are not perfect. 2-D girls are, because they even go out with a shy boy, which is the core salvation of moe.

      I wish to change the 3-D world. I really believed in change two years ago, but turned out to be otherwise. Politicians are not gods. Well, I didn’t intend to blame 3-D, I just wanted to point out its flaws and change these. I’m not interested in blaming games, even though I sounded like I resorted to it…(sigh)

      But again, thank you very much for wishing me luck. I totally thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. May grace embrace you.

  7. Hi! I’m an American girl (well, I’m in my twenties). I live in New York City. I love genre fiction like fantasy and sci-fi, including anime, and so do my friends. We exist! We’re cute and we like the same stuff you do. As for skinship, have you tried making friends with theater people, artists, musicians? They’re usually a touchy-feely bunch. And, if there aren’t enough of those where you live, why not live in NYC? You can find ANYTHING here. Hell, you could probably find us, if you came to a comic convention or a screening of some new animated movie in Williamsburg. Look around at the hipsters; you won’t find any macho men. They are all cute shaggy hairstyles, Converse sneakers, cool glasses, and skinny paleness. And they get chicks. I myself have flirted with several adorable Asian boys with “weird accents” as you put it, though I stop when they seem to get really uncomfortable and turn colors (mostly red). My point is, you haven’t been looking hard enough. Go find yourself some cute nerdy/artsy girls, talk to them, make friends. Ganbatte kudasai!
    ~love, Sylph
    P.S. I really appreciate your insight into otaku, moe, and definitely kansetsu-kisu, which I certainly never understood. Ever. I could not figure out why anybody would buy schoolgirl panties from a vending machine, or even why handmade obento and choco are such a big deal. Now I know, and I’m going to make sure to kiss and hug my friends *extra* when I see them next.

    1. As a joke, can I (Ray, not the author of this article) have your number? XD

      Seriously, I’m (this is Ray speaking, not the author of this article) actually surprised that there are people who are more affectionate on the East Coast than the West Coast. Growing up in Maryland, people are generally not very physically affectionate.

      As for Asian Boys with weird accents, we’ll be happy to oblige! XD

    2. @Sylph

      Thank you for the comment. My point is I’d looked hard enough. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have reached this conclusion. If what you said is true, that will be great, since I’ve never seen any girl acting like girls from GirlsGoneWild, Sex & The City, and Hollywood films. I chose to move to SoCal, because it’s the home of Hollywood. I thought electing Arnold for governor would change girl’s perception on immigrants. I certainly thought electing Obama would defeat racism. But nothing has changed so far. I feel betrayed believing in change. They want to deport us now, look at what’s happening in Arizona. It only feeds a sense of alienation in us.

      NYC is a very expensive place, and the center of survival of the fittest. Why can’t we have more otaku understanding girls in an affordable small town? I wish these girls were in idyllic places since I don’t like a huge crowd, I can’t cope with a busy crowded town, I had enough of that in Tokyo, I want to live quietly since I’m a country boy at heart.

      If I go from rags to riches, I can move to NYC, maybe able to make out with all kinds of girls you just talked about. Not only in NYC, but also Paris, Rio De Janeiro, and probably in Sweden since Bill O’Reilly said Swedish girls love snags like us far more than American girls do. Because of financial difficulties, can’t move anywhere right now, stuck in here, only struggling to make ends meet. Plus, physically I’m not a high school student anymore. I can’t relive as a 17 years old boy and experience adolescent romantic pleasure. Who would buy it if I say I’m still 17 spiritually? So, 2-D is much better than real world.

      After that shooting rampage in Virginia in 2007, I thought Asian boys with weird accents would never get a chance. I’m very glad that you’re flirting with them. That’s really awesome of you! Are you a nikushoku-kei? Do you find shy boys cute?

      Thank you very much for understanding otaku’s problem. I feel rewarded writing my moetic articles. Yes, please give them as much skinship as you can. They need oxytocin. That will really save us. We will be able to see ourselves in the mirror. Thus, that will change Man in the Mirror.

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