Kimi To Boku, Phi Brain, Tamayura, ad nauseam

Kimo To Boku is really nauseating since I’ve figured Matsuoka Shun was actually a dude.

First of all, I thought Shun was a girl. But as soon as Shun spoke, I heard a squeaking high-pitched male voice. I was like, “WTF?” And I’ve figured the anime is about Fab Four (Shun is one of them), and these four high school boys spending nichijou at school. Yes, nichijou-kei (日常系 “slice of life). And they’re so intimate that a Fab is playing with Shun’s hair. Yes, a dude having skinship with a dude…

Phi Brain episode 4 also reveals that Anna Gram, a cute art student, is actually a dude. Even Kaito the puzzle master couldn’t figure Anna’s sex. And he gives Kaito a kiss. That scene is just traumatizing. I’m afraid it would appear in my dreams. That would be a nightmare. I never want to have skinship with dudes. I only want to have skinship with girls!

And the fundamental reason why I’m feeling this sick is, to be blunt, because he has a penis. Yes, he is a phallic person. It’s phallus that is nauseous. Itty Bitty Titty Committee depicts an obelisk as a giant phallus. I don’t want to get near it. Anything pointy is repulsive; missile, knife, chisel, pencil, banana, dildo, strap-on, etc. It feels like you’re at gunpoint.

But if Shun or Anna was like Monohoshi Dai from High School! Kimengumi, I wouldn’t get sick at all because I can tell he’s an okama from the beginning. Clearly, he isn’t a trap. Yes, a trap is the one making the contrast sharp, making penis stand out! Just like The Crying Game, the main character vomits when he knows a girl he rescued is actually a dude.

Now I’ve come to understand Sartre’s novel Nausea. That novel was too obscurantist to enjoy. I didn’t get why the main character vomited in the presence of a chestnut tree. Why was a conker tree so nauseating to him? What was it that caused him to puke?

But now I know why. Because the conker tree is the hard-on! Morning wood, the tree of the rising sun. “There is a tree in New Orleans.” Ishihara Shintaro‘s first novel is all about that, thrusting shoji, overpowering manhood. Its existence is so confrontational that makes me vomit like Ika-Musume. For too long I’ve hung out with phallic people, so enough of that. A mere thought of it nauseates me, much scarier than any horror films. Yes, phallophobia. If only Jesus wasn’t phallic… I’m afraid of Jesus/Father, so phallophobia leads to theophobia. That’s why I worship Virgin Mary instead, as the Lady Protector of yuri, such as Marimite, Strawberry Panic, and Otoboku.

In turn, Tamayura is kami (divine), so far best anime this season. In episode 3, there is an elementary school girl named Shinoda Komachi, who has a crush on her classmate Sawatari Kou. And Komachi challenges Norie to a duel on cooking because she thought Norie was hitting on Kou. How cute… And the reason why Komachi’s in love with Kou is because she was surprised that Kou was actually a boy. Yes, Kou is a girly boy, okama-kei. And since then, she can’t get him out of her head, and then by the time she realized it, she’s already in love. Just with that tiny reason, a girl can fall in love! So cute! Moe~!

So, the conclusion is clear; I have to be okama-kei! I get nauseated by it, but Komachi fell in love because of it. So, I better be an okama. So, I can charm a girl with my okamaness just like Kou has successfully charmed Komachi. And at the same time I can repel dudes by making them nauseated. One stone kills two birds!

Thus, okama nauseates dudes, but amuses girls. The word amuse comes from “muse.” So, to dudes, okama is ad nauseam, but to girls, ad museum!

If only my face wasn’t too masculine…

Author: Monsieur LaMoe

A refugee from Japan. Live in NAFTA. Get hooked on Moe. Moe is opium? Twitter: @MonsieurLamoe