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This just in – Mike’s still having problems scoring at the Mega Playboy Academy…

From The Diet 3 Daily

December 31, 2007 – He still has trouble scoring a touchdown, that is. At the Mega Playboy Academy, one of the end of the year traditions is co-ed touch and feel football. Because those who attend are often people who don’t exercise much and hence don’t have the physical prowess to attract women, and for some, lolis, the Academy instituted a series of end of year festivities designed to get the members in shape.

One of the favored festivities is the Maid VS Butler Touch and Feel Football. That’s right, it’s “Touch and Feel” and not “Flag” football”. The game is relatively simple compared with your average American football. A “ball” is something like an American Football filled with pink jelly used in one of the “Training Videos” provided by the Academy for the staff. There are two teams, Team Maid, dressing in Akiba-style maid uniforms, and Team Butler, dressed in BL-style Butler uniforms. The two teams select two Captains (not a Quarterback because most people in Akiba don’t know about that), and the captains will duel it out with paper fans and the team of winner of the paper fan duel (similar to Kendo rules) will be able to select to kick so the other team and attack or receive so his or her team can attack.

To stop a runner, players on the other team must try to grab the runner’s body parts and/or feel the runner’s behind. To score points the player with the ball must first squirt some of the pink jelly onto one of the defenders before running into the end zone.

With the audience cheering, Team Butler selected our very own Ikari “Mike” Gendo as captain. In his speech, he complained about not wanting to do this and yet not wanting to run away. He ended the speech by staring at the ceiling of the “Mega Playboy Dome” and said: “Another unfamiliar ceiling.” To which the men and some women in the audience screamed: “You’re not Shinji! That’s the wrong line!”

Team Maid selected a woman named Clare Miyako who has blond hair, silver eyes and is taller than “Mike”. The paper fan duel was quick – “Clare” score all 3 hits within 5 seconds (not counting the stops after the hits), and surprisingly, after the Dean of the academy made squirming motions and other rather odd gestures, Team Maid selected to kick.

What’s even more surprising is that “Mike” received the ball, but he advanced about 2 yards before player number 45, “Undine” knocked him unconscious. “Mike” did not return for the rest of the game – he slept for 3 hours. Team Butler performed extremely well as in the previous years, and the score was 63 – 7.

The festival was declared a success and many, uh, letters of affection were exchanged.

Rumor has it that based on the Academy’s success, the Dean in considering establishing a Mega Playgirl Academy. This has received vehement criticism from the members and the board of the Mega Playboy Academy, as well as the 2ch community and Akiba community. However, a letter of petitions for the establishment was submitted by members of the Ikekuburo “少女のみち” community.

More details are forth coming.

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