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No yuri this season? WTF

レズレズじゃのう (Rezu-rezu janou “They are lesby-dovey”). Yuri-yuri-janou! Pingdrum episode 14 was surely yuriesque! Kyaaa!!! But no yuri show this fall 2011? How can that be? WTF, WTC, WTO? We need to occupy Seattle instead of Wall Street!

As I recall, my life’s been full of sweaty dudes. For the past 17 years, people I hung out were exclusively dudes. I’m effing tired of that. Enough is enough! I don’t want that anymore. Period! 3-D is full of angry dudes. Testosterone shower and adrenaline rush are what constitute them. Conversation is always an extension of violence and competition of who is superior. Just like diplomacy is an extension of war.

So, for the next 17 years, I’ll devote myself to hang out only with girls. I need to get even. That is justice! I’ve spent hanging out with dudes against my will for too long. It’s better to be a hikikomori than hanging out with dudes if I can’t hang out with any girls. How can I cry on dude’s shoulder when I’m feeling lonely? I’d puke in front of a conker tree. I want to sleep peacefully on girl’s lap. And now that desire has passed beyond my limit. The only thing I want is girl’s cuddlesomeness!

But so far… 3-D is so unfair. I’m not a criminal, a psycho, nor a violent rascal. I’ve lived righteously, often donated to charitable causes. And I’m a feminist, who cares women the most, even joined feminist marches. But girls go for a powerful man, even if the dude is a gangster or a terrorist, which doesn’t make any sense at all. As long as he’s powerful (= abusive), it doesn’t matter to girls, like the prettiest girl from my school was a member of Joyu Fumihiro’s fan club, No. 2 of Aum Shinrikyo! The episode 12 of Pindora reminded me of that absurdity! If girls weren’t attracted to power, the world would’ve been better…

So, I seek moe in 2-D. All you need is moe! But even in 2-D, the most powerful dude gets to fool around with all girls, winner-takes-all American capitalism. Zakuro falls for Lt. Hanadate. Even Utena has fallen for Akio the playboy. That’s why Utena is my unfavorite show. That anime only made me mad. Aren’t anime supposed to give us peace? So I figure as long as there are men in anime, I can’t really be free from jealousy, this hateful emotion.

I loathe dudes, and sadly I share the same sex with them, so I hate myself. So, naturally, my conclusion led to yuri! That’s the only way I can liberate myself from my male persona, especially in all-girls-school anime!

Marimite, Strawberry Panic! Catholic girl’s schools. Virgin Mary is now the Lady Protector of yuri. It’s Catholicism that contributed to the development of Shojo during Taisho.

Ahh, how I wish I was a shojo praying to the Virgin at Lillian, hanging out with my classmates, with tea and snack and cake during break time! Nothing’s more beautiful than girls intercoursing (not necessarily in a sexual way), but simply doing hair in front of a big mirror is already St. Theresa’s moe!

But this season, no yuri? Why!? Don’t they know how desperately we need yuri? But they’re now showing dude doing dude’s hair like Kimi To Boku! Simply nae (萎え “opposite of moe”). Shimai-ai (姉妹愛 “sisterhood”) is over?

Without yuri, sooner or later, not only the anime industry but the entire world would be doomed! That’s the real 2012!

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