Anime Diet

After creaming my pants more times than I care to keep count, I tried to think of a way to capture the essence of the concert. Then I realized that humankind currently lack the language. So I am asking readers to offer suggestions. Let us invent a word so we may properly encapsulate the orgasmic bliss for the next Laruku concert.

I cannot drive. I cannot walk. It hurts just to stand. You would be in my shoes if you jumped for over an hour straight on the concrete that is the floor of arguably the best arena in the universe. And I would do it again but I am getting ahead of myself.

Shrieks from each and every fangirl and fanboy deafened the Garden when the lights went out. Then in dramatic fashion, the name of each band member flashed on the digital back screen and the crowd took turns screaming for their favorite. I screamed, among many others, for Tetsuya when his name appeared. It was impossible to tell who earned the loudest scream but that distinction is unnecessary given that all were easily above a hundred decibels.

I can’t recall if the spotlight or the voice came first but suddenly one could see Hyde standing in the middle of the stage like the sun. His voice and image radiating immense and infectious energy surpassing the sum of all glow sticks. Ken joined in with his wailing guitar somewhere. Tetsuya’s I-want-to-take-you-to-bed-now pink bass guitar seduced me before the first note and Yuki’s steady, thumping bass drum roared in approval. How we longed for this moment, for this heaven!

One of my orgasms came at the sway of Hyde’s hips. His body has a way of wiggling from side to side starting at the shoulders then the hips and finally the feet almost like a belly dancer but even more fluid and flirtatious. The motion comes off so naturally that it’s almost childlike yet so sexy thanks to the long tailcoat that swings in tandem behind him. He repeated this dance numerous times with enchanting accuracy, always accompanied by his sultry voice as it coos over the speakers, each syllable floating on air, luring the listener to gyrate and swoon until it reaches the ear at which time underwear gets soiled again.

The hypnosis remained constant. Hyde paused during My Heart Draws A Dream and waved his hands like a conductor and the crowd didn’t miss a beat filling in the vocals. By Ready Steady Go, Hyde has turned the crowd into his army when everyone chanted YES in reply when he asked if we were ready. This marked the highest point of frenzy so far. Even before Hyde urged us, many were already jumping.

The highlight probably came halfway during Blurry Eyes. The music dropped and in its absence was Tetsuya holding a basket. He picked out a banana and shouted, “Who wants my fucking banana?” to which he received thundering screams which only got exponentially louder when he followed with, “Who wants to lick my lollipop?” If that wasn’t enough, he proceeded to bring said lollipop to his lips for a kiss. The solidarity of the following screams was definitely the Garden reaching climax in unison. The band resumed the song which provided a pleasant caress in our post orgasmic state.

It was an amazing concert. Ribbons and feathers were thrown into the crowd. The band rocked and rolled, displaying extreme finesse in hitting every note and timing was never off. Yuki proved worthy of his podium in his magical consistency. Heavily driven by strings, Tetsuya and Ken summoned emotions from their instruments with aplomb. And of course Hyde’s trademark come hither voice stole the heart of every fan. The only complaint I have is the assigned seats for the floor. A pit would have created a more intimate and intense experience. As I stepped outside into the chilly New York night with my aching legs protesting, I was still enclosed in the coolest driver’s high that no wind or pain can penetrate.

For more highlights, please see Animemiz’s take.