Warning: broken English as crappy as Arnold.

This is Hideyoshi Kinoshita, an extremely popular character from “Baka To Test No Syokanju.”

OMG, though I know he is a dude! How sinful this Chinese dress is! Especially that Chun-Li head dress! Too irresistible! Jeeze, it is even much cuter than Honkōn’s Chinese dress! I know he is a dude in my head, but I can’t control my emotion! Reason and emotion are split. I’m so confused that I am actually thinking Hideyoshi is “cute.” For the first time in my life, I’ve undergone a gender identity crisis. Everyday I tell myself, “I’m not gay! No way!” in a state of self-denial. Otherwise, I will fall victim to Fujoshi. Ah, how dreadful Hideyoshi is. He is a genius actor. He can act like bishojo impeccably. He is the two-spirit.

Anyway, the origin of acting can be seen in the myth of Amano-iwato. Uzume was the first actor of Japan. Her acting was a ritual that revived the light of the sun goddess Amaterasu, the supreme deity of Japan. Thus, she eradicated the darkness. Viewed in these terms, to act is to let a deity descend and possess a human. God and human become one, and that is the origin of acting. Yes, the kannagi (shaman) is the first Japanese actor, and the Seiyuu is also an actor, and the forerunner of the idol Seiyuu is the miko (female shaman). A woman who works with divine rituals – perhaps we could say sister (nun). That is the root of Miko-moe, sister-moe, aidoru-seiyuu-moe. In this sense, experiencing the moe of Hideyoshi, who is a two-spirit, is a tradition passed down from the ancient world.

Hideyoshi has perfect female features even though he is a male. That is 変成女子Henjo-nyoshi (transformation to female). Archetypical theme of anime. In today’s sense, they are the “T” of LGBT. That category is cool. Yet, Henjo-nyoshi transcends even that.

Ah, “Kämpfer.” That is perfect Henjo-nyoshi. Seno Natsuru transforms to a woman, obtains special power, and becomes a Kämpfer. In this fashion he enters the women circle, a beautiful maidens’ world that ordinary dudes can never get to engage. Ah, I can picture these girls putting make up on each other! Watarase Jun from “Happiness!” too. He receives the light of divine grace, and becomes a woman. At that time he becomes one with God. That is “aham brahmāsmi!”

And, “Otome wa boku ni koishiteru”, aka “Otoboku”, and Miyanokoji Mizuho-chan. He dresses up as a woman, and becomes the No. 1 Onee-sama in his all girls’ school. Indeed he is acting the part of “Onee-sama.” A dude dresses up as a woman and becomes the top dog of the female world, and gets objectified by lesbians. Yes, becoming Souer! Ah, what a wonderful sister world! There is nothing more fabulous than sister love in this world. “Candy Boy” is incest, which is going too far, but sisterhood as a symbolism interests us; sisterhood in Maria-sama, like souers who are students in “Maria-sama ga miteru.” How madly we, the otaku, yearn for that!

How do we get close to our idols? Once upon a time, someone asked, “How do I get close to my idol seiyuu?” and a sage answered, “To be closest to a seiyuu, become a seiyuu!” That is right. That is the ultimate meaning of acting. Becoming one with moekko through moe, that is the goal. So if your idol is seiyuu, then go become a seiyuu. It’s best to make yourself a seiyuu. Aim at becoming seiyuu. If your idol is a girl, then become a girl. Act like a girl, live like a girl. That is acting. In other words, Mizuho-chan is showing us the path of Moe. Acting is the path of moe!

“Aham Moe’smi” means becoming one with a moe-character, and one way is to dress up like a woman, i.e., cosplay! Play the role of Onee-sama like Miyanokoji Mizuho-chan. Cosplay is acting, which can be Kagura(divine theatre). Moe-gura(moe theatre). Acting is metamorphosis. And Moe character possesses you. Becoming one with Moekko who is Brahman, thus, Miko is a being who realized “aham brahmāsmi.” By that, you will become a winner by getting the power of god. That is moe. So if Kagura means an art to worship deities, then Moegura means an art to worship Moe characters. And Moe-za is the stage at anime conventions.

Moreover, my moetic seiyuu is Horie Yui, aka Hocchan. Therefore, I listen to Hocchan’s voice, and as shravaka (voice-hearer), I become a jina (victor)! Jina’s road is also listening to seiyuu’s voice. And cross-dressing is also a path to jina. “All roads lead to moe.” That’s why the OP of “Otoboku” sings to us, “Please come with me, Amen!” Yes, Gautama Buddha also said, “come with me” when he was admitting people to be his students. The path of Moe starts when Moekko tells us “come with us!” That is the path of victory.

It is the same as an idyllic shepherd leading lambs to the right path. Especially an idyllic bishojo, like Nora-chan from “Spice and Wolf.” She calls a lamb like me, “Come this way.” Invited by the voice of Nakahara Mai. And I attain tranquility by hearing her voice. Thus, Nora-chan is iyashi-kei, or yasuragi-kei.

“Pastor” meant “shepherd” in old French. So, Nora-chan is also a pastor. I wish there were more female pastors in America, especially Onee-chan pastors. So, I would go to church every Sunday. And Yumina-chan from “So Ra No Wo To” is a shepherd-like idyllic sister of the church. Yes, Onee-chan pastor! I shall go to church every day! And her costume is a combination of a habit and a miko’s garb. Indeed, the combination of miko-moe and sister-moe is the ultimate form! Ah, that costume is perfect, isn’t it? I want to cosplay Yumina-chan!

Ah, that’s why I want to cosplay Yumina-chan and attain Henjo-nyoshi. And, the most perfect form of Henjo-nyoshi is Osaragi Hazumu in “Kashimashi.” Yes, Hazumu’s crush was a lesbian. So, that was an unrequited love if he remained male. But he changed his sex to female and became lesbian! Yes, if you want to become one with your love, then you become she. If your love is a lesbian, then be lesbian. That’s what Hazumu-chan showed to us. Indeed, Henjo-nyoshi is the path to victory!

That is the quintessence of cosplay: transformation to moekko. That is Henjo-moekko. That even transcends the vows of Amitabha. Moekko is Brahman and Jina. Buddha is a jina. Thus, Henjo-jina, Henjo-Bonten(brahma), Henjo-buddha, and all lead to Henjo-moekko. That is aham moe’smi!

In “Vimalakirti Nirdesa Sutra,” Shariputra, the wisest disciple of Gautama Buddha, implies to Apsara(divine maiden) that women can’t become Buddha. Then, Apsara turns Shariputra to a woman. Indeed Apsara makes Shariputra cosplay, proving to him that woman can become the winner. That is Henjo-nyoshi. Thus, cosplayer is the winner. Yes, gender-change is a form of acting. Gender-change is the most divine! By that definition, a dude who parodies Michelle Phan is also a winner!

Kabuki is also gender-change. Now, Kabuki is a dudes-theatre, but it used to be a female theatre. In fact, the founder of Kabuki was Okuni of Izumo who was a female cross-dresser. And, unconventional attention-seeking dressing such as cross-dressing was called “kabuku (verb)”. That is the etymology of “Kabuki.” So, cosplay is also “kabuku” in that sense! And Okuni was a wandering miko from Izumo. And, she was an actor and entertainer. And its vestige can still be seen as Fujioka Haruhi in “Ouran Host Club” and Daichi Kaoru in “Ladies vs. Butlers.” The 10^th episode of “Ladies vs. Butlers” was so awesome! Kaoru-chan becomes the romantic object of a straight girl! There’s nothing more thrilling than the romantic topsy-turvy of gender-change! That’s the best part of Rabukome (love comedy)! That is so poetic, it leads me to moetic ecstacy, crying, “Moe!” Yes, they are very spiritual as the two-spirit. And the Takarazuka theatre is the spirit of that!

And of course, Hideyoshi inherits Kabuki’s soul. Thus, Hideyoshi is a kabuki actor and at the same time a shaman.

Indeed, shamanism is the origin of acting. And shaman is the winner. Cosplayer is an actor. Seiyuu is an actor. And actor is the winner. Therefore, Hideyoshi leads us to victory. Just like the great actor led us to victory by ending the Cold War. And moekko deities. And seiyuu who animates Moekkos. Indeed, all trace back to shamanism.

An Otaku’s lamentation: “I never ever had any chance to happily mingle with girls in my life. That’s why I never had a single good moment as a dude. What a miserable life… If I could, I wanted to be born as a girl. That way, I could have mingled with girls without any difficulties.” In this world of socioeconomic classification by market fundamentalism, it is especially the Otaku who never had any luck with girls that have been disdained as “social failures.” They are “losers” by natural selection. However, Moe will lead us to victory. Otaku are obsessed with transformation, and that obsession will be fulfilled by cosplay. We will attain tranquility by activating moe, and at that very moment, we will become the victors.

Thus, cross-dressing is the path to victory!

And to the faithful, death the gate of life. - John Milton

WARNING: This spiel contains potential spoilers for Superdimension Fortress Macross, as well as IDEON.

Okay. Fess up time. I love brevity in storytelling. Some creations go on far too long for my taste, despite the public’s often endless rabble-rousing for more. There’s just something to me that speaks greater volumes by leaving the viewer/reader with the faintest hint of more outside the page/frame. More often than not, the delivery of more tends to leave me disapointed, and more convinced that things would have been better off left behind, while new mythologies formed. That said, I am a big fan of when characters exit in the most dramatic way possible. That’s right. I love it when characters die. And die well. Call it sadistic, call it what you will. There’s just no way to describe the value of a good, wrenching character exit to throw the protagonists’ future into greater uncertainty.

So…If the cultural cornerstone of character death was going to make a deeply ingrained wound in my young psyche,it would definitely have been the death of Roy Focker in MACROSS (1982). It was an event so unexpected, so jarring that for a 12 year-old boy coming off of the kind of spoiling that only George Lucas could have provided, it was as if Han Solo bought the farm mi-series.True to samurai-style, the man ignored his injuries,only to die on the floor of his beloved’s living room. I remember going to my room to cry that afternoon. It was official. The scene had done something significant. He was Big Brother,a paternal figure for Hikaru, a boy who by and large, had no family to speak of. Being the eldest out of my younger brothers, this character held a certain role for me as well. He was not only a caring elder character, but a razor-sharp ace of a pilot, as well as ladies man. The loss of Aniki signaled an end to innocence, leaving the young warrior without a master. So when MACROSS eventually concluded, I was more than enthralled, I was for lack of a better phrase, transformed. It was a tale large in scope, strong in style, and yet personal in a way that no american comic or movie could ever provide.

So upon growing with the medium over the years, I essentially expected there to be a grand finale where many characters would meet their fates fighting toward their respective goals. But no ending had prepared me for how Evangelion would wrap up. Whatever I imagined through those last two episodes were a walk in the park in comparison to how the film visualized a physical, and psychological apocalypse. This was no longer the cliched “final battle to save humanity” schtick.This was a valid rail against not only cliches, but fan expectations themselves. Admission time, friends already know this..I was out of commission for the rest of the day after my first time watching EOE. Despite what I had already figured,the visual representation of it was pretty unforgiving,and again important for me to witness.

So when I heard that Tomino’s Desnsetsu Kyojin IDEON (Space Runaway Ideon) was a major influence, I knew I would eventually have to see it. Now,it can be said that 2006 was a good time to witness it’s impact, as an older,more world-weary person who had already become accustomed to unconventional narrative. Had I seen this series as a kid, I would most definitely have been scarred for life, and likely suspended in a somatic rigor of some kind. Even now it can be argued that there are things in this series/movie that are near nightmare inducing.

In a none to unfamiliar future, where interplanetary colonization has led humanity far into new galaxies, an archaeological expedition has unearthed what seem to be the near-perfect remnants of what appears to be a trio of functioning vehicles. Also found is the intact cruiser, Solo, making this significant find all the more perplexing. The head scientists initially classify these components as separate, until it is soon revealed that upon attack from the long-in-pursuit invaders known only as the Buff Clan, the vehicles unite to form the ominous god mecha, Ideon. Led by the scientists’ son, Cosmo, and his friends Deck & Kasha, their sudden discovery comes amidst a fiery attack, leaving the expedition in ruins, the scientists dead, and the survivors on the run. And as they struggle to survive, the mystery of the Ideon deepens as members of the Buff Clan begin to see that their knowledge of this quarry only goes so far, and is likely being clouded by their hatred of those now in possession of it.

Tomino-san didn’t earn the ubiquitous Minagoroshi No Tomino ( “Kill ‘Em All”) title for nothing. This is the series that demented his reputation as tv anime’s grim reaper. It has to be remembered that this was his first major post-Gundam series.(1980) From the early episodes on, we’re given what looks to be a combining space robot series with a healthy dose of character, mythos, and narrative chicken-playing. But rest assured, upon reaching the halfway point, it is saliently clear we aren’t in for the cheeriest of endings. Even our titular Super God Mecha, cannot be trusted. The further the crew of the Solo go..the more mired in fate matters seem to become. Not even the children caught in the crossfire are safe. After all, kids perishing in war is a daily reality whether we acknowledge it or not. Ideon revels in the unprecedented, milking matters of faith to the bitter end.  I can see why this show was so unpopular,and near-impossible to market towards the primary demographic, children. This beast of a show doesn’t know when to say enough, building,and building toward a point where viewers know where they’re headed, but morbidly cannot help but peek through their fingers, hoping for some kind of white flag of comfort. A sign of relief that never seems to come.

And then…silence…Draining ratings inevitably killed off the series itself, leaving Tomino’s vision unfinished.

That was until two feature films were produced. A Contact, and Be Invoked. In true original EVA fashion, the series climaxes with a pair of films that contain a slightly retold recap of the series, followed by an uncompromisingly grim finale of a second film. A film that only makes sense as a theatrical release, and is still hard to imagine working on the small screen. Nothing is spared, and we are treated to one of the most profoundly bizarre (& perhaps transcencent) anime endings ever created.

I’m still at a loss to grasp what Tomino was thinking upon creating this, but I can attest to always wanting to create a story with such a similar throughline. Going back into this show was borne out of a conversation I had with a pal in which she told me she’s always wanted to tell a short tale that made us love a character, only to have that character killed abruptly at the end. It probably also helps to know that endings like this are probably anathema to most anime studios who would rather have a long running franchise on their hands. And they’re welcome to that assessment. But for me, it is a lot less about the law of returns so much as anime’s hidden ability to ingrain potent ideas. To inspire discussion, rather than mere toy sales, which is probably another reason for this series’ initial failure. The design work is of the campier, Star Wars, fantasy breed, with a mecha that looks more comfortable in a Tonka line. It’s clear that this series was something borne out of passion rather than commerce.

So Tomino and crew stuck to their guns and offer a parable more evocative of spiritual texts than of classic robot-fu. And Space Runaway Ideon delivers the goods, giving us a unique spin on classic mecha melodrama, and then some. As both the crew of the Solo ship, and the Buff Clan hordes are given more examination, the distinction between races becomes blurred, leaving us to question everything. It becomes hard not to see both sides of this conflict as equally justifiable and repellent. What Tomino seems to be railing against is blind altruism, a searing condemnation of fundamentalist dogma, as well as shining a halogen beam on the waste of war. The Ideon franchise, while not a series to be embraced by the general public during the time of its release, is akin to an overlooked jewel, requiring a generation’s maturity, and a deeper love of story over gimmicks. Because unlike Gundam’s Magic Doorknobs-like journey into infinity, Ideon embraces life with a passion rarely seen, and deserves more respect as a pivotal experience in the medium.

Rebuild? No Way.

The recent theft of costumes and props from an AKB48 set highlights an interesting behavioral pattern. Viewed in a harsh light, it might be seen as a kind of voodoo, a ritual shamanism: obtaining relics of important people so as to be nearer to them and draw upon their power.

Mainichi Japan concludes its article on the incident with a tell-tale quote: “We intended to sell the items after getting tired of looking at them.” At once the frivolity of the exercise is laid bare: having no practical use for girls’ clothing or specially made signboards, all the boys really could do is look at the objects.

Historically, in Japanese culture a preoccupation with money was often considered the mark of an inferior mind. The story of the Edo-era monk Gessen, who produced masterful paintings for exorbitant fees, demonstrates how even geisha would show contempt for one who too openly pursued gold. Unlike Gessen, who purportedly amassed money to help alleviate a famine in his home province, no mention is made of a higher purpose for the AKB48 thefts. Any connection between possession of the “relics” of AKB48 and benefit to the boys exists solely in their minds.

And yet, what higher purpose is there in anime? “Catch them all,” we are told. “Collect figurines.” “Rare cards give you better chances to win.” Whether it’s Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh, Beyblade, Pretty Cure or even shows such as K-On that do not directly allude to collecting, without a doubt, the entire purpose of the exercise is to sell merchandise. Sekirei goes so far as to subvert this by suggesting that men collect women like trading cards, in order to draw upon the different advantages each can offer – surely an absurd exercise, and yet one accepted as a simple extension of the same “anime logic.”

International fandom is hardly exempt: while gaijin have not been entering winning bids on Haruhi footage, pushing up the sales of Japanese phone models seen on K-On, or paying tens of thousands of yen to sponsor Touhou videos, nevertheless DVD and memorabilia sales tie the overseas fan to the market. It is a tie that is zealously enforced by industry and reviewers alike, with the former issuing DMCA takedown notices and the latter issuing repeated admonitions to support the industry.

Viewed in a strictly economic sense, this is all rational. Artists must be paid, even if, in an unfortunate twist on Gessen, an animation artist’s pay is insufficient to keep anyone from starving. But perhaps it’s time we cracked the beast open and looked at its guts. The acquisition of objects is done with happiness as the ultimate aim. However, happiness gained in this manner cannot last. The fact that the teens planned for the obsolescence of these relics – and planned to dispose of them once they were done – is very telling. Is it meaningful to love something so much that you break the law to attain it, all the while knowing that you will eventually grow tired of it and discard it when it ceases to thrill you? If we were to speak of a romantic pursuit in these terms, surely that would seem like a very familiar cruelty, a pointless exercise.

What is the resolution here? Who benefits from this nonproductive pattern of behavior? Planned obsolescence economically favors the producers: rather than a $250 watch that lasts 50 years, a watchmaker would prefer to sell you a $50 watch every 5 years, making more money overall. Recontextualizing objects sustains the industry: an arbitrary piece of fabric is not worth tens of thousands of yen, but if it’s some hard-to-find dakimakura, that might be an acceptable price. What you are buying is not the object, but its associations: the dreams, fears, and hopes you cannot help but think of when you hold it.

What the three Japanese boys truly sought was not the physical reality of signboards and girls’ clothing, but the illusion of AKB48.

さて、『バカとテストの召還獣』で木下秀吉が大人気のようです。

やべ〜、オトコだってわかってるのに！なんという不純なチャイナドレス！とくに髪飾りが！あれはやばすぐる！やべ〜、ほんこーんのチャイナドレスよりも遥かにカワユイ！頭のなかではオトコとわかっていながらも感情がコントロールできない！理性と感情が乖離してしまってる！「かわいい」と思ってしまう自分に正直言って惑ってます。これは人生始まって以来のジェンダー・アイデンティティーの危機！「ボクは決してゲイじゃないんだ！」と自己否定の暗示をかける毎日。このままじゃ腐女子の餌食に（汗）！あぁ、恐るべし木下秀吉。そして彼は天才俳優です、完璧なまでの美少女を演じてるんですから。彼はまさにツー・スピリットなのです。

さて俳優の起源は天の岩戸の神話で有名なアメノウズメに 見ることができます。彼女が日本初の俳優、そう、日本の最高神である太陽の女神アマテラスの光を回復した祭儀、それが俳優だったのです。世界の無明の闇を 打ち払ったのです。つまり、俳優とは神懸かりの行為、神が憑依すること。そして神と一体となること、それが演技の起源であるのです。 そう、シャーマンたる巫（かんなぎ）が日本最初の俳優であり、そう、しかも女優であり、そして声優も俳優ですから、アイドル声優の起源は巫女にあるわけで す。つまり神事に携わる女性、またはシスター（修道女）なのです。それこそ、巫女萌え、シスター萌え、アイドル声優萌えの共通の原点なのです！だからツー・ス ピリットの秀吉に萌えることは、太古に通じる伝統なのです！

秀吉はオトコでありながら女の子の風貌をしてます。それはまさに変成女子、これはアニメではもはや定番ですね。今で言えばLGBTの「T」のカテゴリーとなるでしょう。つまり、トランスセクシャル、トランスジェンダー、トランスヴェスタイトとなるのでしょう。そのカテゴリーも善し。しかし、変成女子はそれをさらに超越するものです。

あぁ、ケンプファー、まさに『ケンプファー』は変成女子ですね〜。瀬野ナツルは女に変身して特殊なパワーを得てケンプファーとなる。また女の子たちのグループに入れる、友達として交われる、そう、女の子たちの世界、男が決して目にすることができない女の世界、女の子同士でお化粧したりするなんて、もう憧れですね！それは『はぴねす！』の渡良瀬準もそうですね。彼は神の恩寵の光によって女になります。そのときこそ、神と一体化したのです！それこそ、まさに梵我一如！

そしてなんといっても『乙女はお姉さまに恋してる』通称『おとボク』、そしてその宮小路瑞穂ちゃん、彼は女装してだれもが憧れる学園一の「お姉さま」となるのです。つまり「お姉さま」として演じるのです。つまり、男が女に変装して女の世界で女の頂点に立つという、そしてユリ的な神聖なるレズビアンの求愛の対象となるのです！そう「スール（お姉さま）」となるのです！あぁ、なんと素晴らしいシスターズの世界。姉妹愛ほど素晴らしいものはこの世に存在しない。『キャンディー・ボーイ』はちょっと行き過ぎですが、あれは近親相姦ですが、しかし、シンボリズムとしての姉妹、そうシスター、つまりマリア様のもとでのシスター、『マリア様がみてる』の女学生たちがスールであるように。それにどんだけ私たちオタクは憧れるのだろう。

憧れの対象に近づくにはどうしたらいいか？そう、かつて「憧れの声優に近づくにはどうしたらいいか？」という問いに「自分が声優になればいい！」という答えをした智者がおりました。まさにその通り！それぞまさに俳優の極意。萌えっ子と同化する、萌えを通じて萌えっ子と一体となる、それが目的なのですから、だから憧れてる人が声優ならば自分が声優になればいいのです。そう、声優に変成すればいいのです。声優を目指せばいいのです。そして憧れてる人が女の子ならば女の子になればいいのです。女の子を演じる、女の子になりきればばいいのです！それこそ俳優です。つまり、宮小路瑞穂ちゃんは萌えの道を私たちオタクに示してくれてるのです。俳優とは萌えの道なのです。

萌我一如とは萌えキャラと同化することですから、その方法として女装する、つまりコスプ レすることが挙げられるのです！そう、宮小路瑞穂ちゃんのようにお姉さま（シスター）を演じればいいのです！つまりコスプレは俳優であ り、また神楽でもあるのです。萌楽であるのです。つまり俳優とは変成（変身）することなのです。そう、萌えキャラが憑依する、つまりブラフマンである萌えキャラと一体になる、つまり巫女は梵我一如を体現した存在であるのです！そうして神の力を得て、勝者となるのです。それが萌えなのです！だから、神を祭る歌舞が「神楽」なら萌えキャラを祭る歌舞が「萌楽」なのです。そして「萌座」はアニメ・コンベンションのステージでしょうね。

さらにその声優は堀江由衣ことほっちゃんです。だから、私はほっちゃんの声を聞いて萌えて、シュラーヴァカ（声聞）としてジナ（勝者）になるのです！声優の声を聞くのもジナになる道です。そして、女装することもジナになる道なのです。「すべての道は萌えに通ず」というべきか？だから『おとボク』のキャラたちは「その道に来なさい」と歌うのです。「Please Come With Me, Amen!」てね！そう、ゴータマも弟子入りを許すときの言葉は「さぁ、来なさい」でした。それだけで受戒が成立したのです。萌えの道とは萌えっ子が「私とともに来なさい」ということから始まるのです！それが勝者の道なのです。

それは牧歌的な羊飼いが子羊たちを導くのと同じです。そう、特に牧歌的な美少女、まさに『狼と香辛料』のノーラちゃんのような。彼女が子羊である私に「さぁ、こちらに来なさい」と呼びかけてくれるのです。中原麻衣さんの素敵な声に誘われて。そして私は彼女の声を聞いて安らぎを得るのです。よってノーラちゃんは癒し系、安らぎ系であるのです！

「Pastor（牧師）」はもともと古フランス語で「羊飼い」を意味してました。だから、ノーラちゃんは牧師でもあるのです。だからキリスト教ももっと女牧師を増やしてほしいなぁ。お姉ちゃん牧師を。そうすれば、教会に毎週日曜通うのに。そして『ソ・ラ・ノ・ヲ・ト』のユミナちゃんはまさに羊飼い的な牧歌的な教会のシスターですね。そう、お姉ちゃん牧師！毎日教会に通っちゃうよ！しかもコスチュームが修道服と巫女服が合体したような。つまり巫女萌えとシスター萌えが合わさった究極の形！あぁ、そのコスチュームはコスプレに最適ではありませんか！よってユミナちゃんのコスプレしたい！！！！

あぁ、だから私はユミナちゃんのコスプレして変成女子したいのです。そして、もっとも完璧な形で変成女子したのが『かしまし』の大佛はずむです。そう、はずむちゃんの好きな人はレズビアンでした。だからオトコのままでは叶わぬ恋。しかし彼は女に性転換しレズビアンとなったのです！そう、憧れの人と一体化するには憧れの人になればいい。つまり憧れの女の子がレズビアンだったらなら自分がレズビアンになればいいのです！それを大佛はずむちゃんは証してくれたのです。つまり、変成女子は勝利の道だったのです！

それこそ、まさにコスプレの極意なのです。そう、萌えっ子に変身する、変装する、そう、それぞ「変成萌子」となるのです！それは法蔵菩薩の４８の願の限界を超えるのです。萌えっ子とはブラフマンのことです。またジナのことです。ブッダもジナです。だから、「変成ジナ」「変成勝者」なのです。またそれは「変成梵天」「変成仏陀」であり、それはつまりすべて「変成萌子」に帰するのです！それぞ萌我一如なのです！

『維摩経』にてシャーリプトラは天女に対して「女は仏陀になれない」と言いました。すると天女はシャーリプトラを女に変身させたのです。つまり、天女はシャーリプトラにコスプレさせたのです。それで「女も勝者である」ということを示したのです。それぞ変成女子です。よってコスプレイヤーは勝者なのです。そう、ジェンダーチェンジが俳優たることなのです！ジェンダーチェンジがもっとも神的なのです。そんな意味ではミシェル・ファンのパロディーをしてる人物もまた勝利者ですね！

歌舞伎もジェンダーチェンジですね。今は完全に野郎歌舞伎ですけど、もともとは女性の芸能でした。事実歌舞伎の創始者たる出雲阿国は男装してました。そして、女性が男装することを異様なことということで「傾（かぶ）く」といいました。それから「歌舞妓」という言葉ができたのです。そして、出雲阿国も出雲から出た歩き巫女です。そう、俳優なのです。芸能家なのです。それが『桜蘭高校ホスト部』の藤岡ハルヒ（CV：坂本真綾）や『れでぃ×ばと!』の大地薫ちゃん（CV：釘宮理恵）に見られるのです。『れでぃ×ばと!』の第１０話は最高だった！薫ちゃんがストレートの女の子の恋愛対象となるのですから！ジェンダーチェンジによる恋のいざこざほどたまらないものはない！それぞラブコメの醍醐味。まさに「萌え〜！！！」となるんです。だから、彼女たちはアメノウズメの伝統を引き継いでいるのです！そして、彼女らはツー・スピリットとしてとても霊的に高いのです。宝塚はその精神です。

また秀吉はその歌舞伎の精神を引き継いでます。だから秀吉は歌舞伎役者であり巫なのです。

巫が俳優の起源。そして、巫は勝者であるのです。コスプレイヤーも俳優です。声優も俳優です。だから俳優は勝者なのです。そして秀吉は私たちを勝利に導いてくれる。かつて偉大な俳優が冷戦を終結させ私たちを勝利に導いてくれたように。そして神々である萌えっ子たちも。そして萌えっ子たちに魂を吹き込む声優たちも。つまり、すべては巫に帰するのです。

「これまでの人生まったく女の子たちと仲良く楽しく交わる機会に恵まれなかった。だからオトコとしていいことは一つもなかった。なんという悲惨な人生か・・・。どうせなら女の子に生まれたかった。そうすれば、なんの障害もなく女の子と交わることができただろうに・・・」という嘆き。そして、この市場原理世界では、特に女の子と縁のないオタクは「社会の負け犬」と蔑まれてきました。自然淘汰される敗者として。しかし、萌えはそんな私たちを勝利に導いてくれる。変身願望、それはコスプレによって成就されるのです。そして、萌えを起こして安らぎを得、その瞬間に私たちは真の勝利者となるのです！

よって女装は勝利者の道なのです！

Why am I talking about this game on this website? Well, as I wrote previously, Final Fantasy VII played a large role in getting me into the anime scene. The JRPG, especially the Final Fantasy series, is an integral part of otakudom. Plus, I’ve been waiting for this game for months and haven’t been excited to play something for a long time. So I felt it was appropriate to write about this, the first new FF on a new platform, and see how the first few hours stack up thus far.

This article is, by the way, spoiler-free. Enjoy!

Going into this game, I knew several things:

• Many critics have panned it for being “too linear.” JRPGs are linear by nature, though, so this didn’t bother me too much. I’ve always played them for the story more than the gameplay.
• The battle system was radically different from earlier games–no more turn based, and it’s much more strategy-oriented with Paradigms and Roles and whatnot. To me, this didn’t sound all that different from FF12’s system, combined with the different jobs/roles found in FF9.
• Just before release I found out that the Japanese audio track was absent even from the PS3 version. This was disappointing, to say the least, and I braced for the worst.

Just change the text to English but leave the voices be. Is that too much to ask?!?

Now that I’ve played through what essentially is the prologue (chapters 1-2), I can say the following about these three points:

• The beginning is indeed linear–literally. The action takes place on a literal straight line, as in the party walks down a narrow street/corridor with almost no branching. Later you enter a larger area but aside from a few treasure spheres there isn’t anything in the dead-end branches. There definitely isn’t much choice in the very beginning, but this didn’t bother me so much–after all, it’s a prologue.
• Square-Enix knew that the battle system was a big departure, so they’ve chosen apparently to serve it up in small doses. This makes most of the battles in the beginning trivial, often ending before I even pressed “X” more than a few times. It became rather tedious. Also, some of the tradeoffs–all health is restored at the end of each battle, but if the party leader dies so goes the whole team–don’t make a lot of sense to me. I got the impression that they were trying to be different for different’s sake. Perhaps as it gets more complex it will make sense.
• Most of the VA is actually decent–it’s definitely a big step up from FFX, which I found intolerable, and closer to the relatively good work in FF12. Vanille’s Australian VA was grating, though–she is clearly meant to be the genki-type girl that in Japanese would have that impossible-for-other-people high pitched squeak. Then again, it might be her character more than the acting; those kinds of characters are usually rather annoying in anime in general. It doesn’t help that she is paired with Shinji Hope, who at least sounds a little less grating than Spike Spencer did as Shinji–but boy does the whining get old fast anyway. “We could run away,” Vanille suggests to him at one point. You know the rest…At least, though, Hope has a good reason to feel terrible. (It’d be a spoiler to say why.)

Well, Hope DID have a no good, horrible, very bad day. He needs it.

I got a brief summary of the story prior to playing the game, so fortunately I wasn’t too confused by all the -Cies flying around: fal’Cie, l’Cie, Cie’th, Cie-Cie-Cie….but I could definitely see (HARHARHAR) where someone going into it blind would be confused. You pretty much need to read the summary found in the instruction manual and possibly even the strategy guide. As for the main story, so far it’s the standard melodrama complete with “NOOOOOO,” angsty protagonists with very fine hairstyles, and vague mutterings about Focus and Destiny–though the dialogue is above par for this genre much of the time. All you have to do is compare the writing and acting in the romance flashback here to the “romantic scenes” in FF8 to see the difference. It’s far too early to tell whether the overall plot will be of quality, though. Clearly, they want to build a rich, developed world (much backstory is contained in the Datapad, like in Mass Effect), and multiple games will be set in it. We’ll see how it fares.

Other notes:

• The soundtrack is uniformly excellent: stirring, quiet in the right moments, soaring in others. At last, the Final Fantasy games get real instruments rather than a console’s built-in MIDI chip, and the soundtrack does it justice. I almost don’t miss Nobuo Uematsu…except for the fact that the old Final Fantasy introduction, and the traditional victory music, is completely absent. Even when you beat a boss, like in Final Fantasy XII. Why? You might as well take away chocobos and moogles while you’re at it…
• The graphics, of course, are stunning, but that’s to be expected from a Final Fantasy game. It would only be news if it were less than spectacular. Cocoon seems inspired by Zion in the Matrix movies in part.

Overall, it was a pretty good introduction. It wasn’t quite as boring as other reviews have made it seem, but it did have some dull patches, and I don’t know enough about the characters to care about them too much yet. This being a 45 hour game (at least), though, there’s plenty of time to get to know everyone and to explore the world–and to finally see if I can become accustomed to the battle system. Having grown up on the turn based method it took me a while to wrap my head around FF12 and hopefully the slow pace of this new system’s introduction will help me become accustomed to it.

Losers of the week:

Funimation putting out censored DVDs for Vampire Bund – they’re afraid of their corporate asses get hauled in jail. But in any event, a light loser rating from me because I can understand the cause of making money.

College Students protesting about cutting in funding: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-5445-Politics-in-Education-Examiner~y2010m3d4-Students-passionately-protest-cuts-in-education-funding?cid=sharing_twitter:5445

Some women in New Jersey got caulk injection in the butt for rear enhancement

Winners of the Week:

Anime Expo – invited key people such as Nabeshin and Asakawa Yuu – they’re making inroads but with a corporate guy running everything, I’m giving it a light winner rating.

Funimation – streaming Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu (AKA Baka and Test — Summon the Beasts) – great choice.

Gorillaz – Plastic Beach – fun and great for chilling, even chilling in the green room, which I’ve never been!

Warning: crass caulk jokes and bad accents

I read the 4-coma and I found it quite funny. Maybe it’s the concept of a wacky family restaurant, maybe it’s just everything is just so out of ordinary when presented in manga form. The characters are interesting and the quick delivery of the punchline really works for me. In other words, short and sweet.

I was mildly amused by the pre-run episode because they set up the atmosphere in such a relaxing way, which made me less in a mood to laugh. Frankly, I got bored. I had a hard time laughing like when I read the manga. Somehow, with so much more detail in front of me, I was unable to laugh out a loud. I’ve seen funnier anime in many places and this one gets a smile out of me but nothing more. Maybe it’s because I know all the punchlines from the manga, but even with that, this one was a mildly amusing experience at best.

Oh, and it’s pace is slow, even for an ordinary-life-based comedy show. The music doesn’t help, after all.

So why is it I have yet to finish watching the second season?

It’s not because I’m some purest who thinks it is inferior and unwatchable.  Not at all.  It’s not that I am pissed off because of the whole “Endless Eight” fiasco.  Nope.  When I do actually sit down to view it, I enjoy it quite a bit.  It’s just there have been a series of unfortunate events that have so far prevented me for being able to finish it.  Which we will now examine.

Event 1:  The Waiting and the Hype of Haruhi Suzumiya.  I wanted this season to be good.  Really good.  Kyoto Animation made us all wait a lot longer than we should have for season two, and the only feasible reason had to be they were going to make it perfect.   When it did finally air, the first episode Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody was awesome.  I thought Yes, this season is going to be just as good as I hoped.

Event 2:  The “I’m Way to Busy Right Now To Watch” of Haruhi Suzumiya. Three weeks later, Endless Eight started.   Life was busy and all I could do at the time was download the episodes as they came out, but I didn’t have the time to watch them yet.  I tried to stay away from spoilers, until by chance (I think around about the fifth Endless Eight) I caught wind of the uproar regarding the current run of episodes.  I couldn’t fathom it being as bad as people were making it out to be.  Surely, they were overreacting.  But, just in case they were right, and since I hadn’t had time to watch anyway, I decided to wait until Endless Eight actually ended.

Event 3:  The “I Look To Much Like K’On” of Haruhi Suzumiya. Endless Eight ended, finally three weeks later, and I found myself with a free weekend to actually watch anime.  I tried watching Endless Eight from beginning to end.  I couldn’t do it.  Sure it was repetitive, and there really was no reason for the story arc to be drawn out for eight episodes, but those are not the reasons I had a hard time watching it.   Slowly, I was noticing that Haruhi wasn’t looking like Haruhi anymore.  She was looking like Yui from K’On cosplaying as Haruhi.  This annoyed me.  The first season of Haruhi Suzumiya is wonderfully animated and has a great style all it’s own.  Why on earth would they start to subtly change that?  Nothing against K’On’s style, but it’s K’On’s style, not Haruhi’s.  It eventually was so distracting, it made it nearly impossible for me to watch.  I think I finally finished Endless Eight after season two was over.

Event 4:  The Corrupted Download of Haruhi Suzumiya. After I finished Endless Eight I took a break from Haruhi for a while.   I knew the next story was one I was really looking forward too, The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya. I had all the episodes downloaded so I figured it would be ok to wait until the bitterness of the K’On taste had left my palate.  So in early December I started watching it again when I could with my busy work schedule.  An episode here, an episode there, putting up with the “K’On style,” till in mid January when I was on the second to last episode.  I plopped onto my bed to relax and watch the penultimate episode of season two, excited that finally I would finish the series.  Nothing.  The download for this episode hadn’t worked, and the file wouldn’t play.  Grumble, grumble, spit… Well, no biggie I guess, I’ll just download it again and finish watching it then.

Event 5:  The Licensing of Haruhi Suzumiya. Well scratch that idea… And I know so many of you out there are like “So what?  You can still download it even though it’s licensed.  It’s not like it’s hard to find.”  True, but that’s not how I am.  Once something has been licensed in the US, I respect that and I don’t download it anymore.  That’s just the kind of hairpin I am.  So because of my odd sense of interweb morality, I’m going to have to wait till the DVDs are released (or until one of my friends who also downloaded it wants to lend me a copy).  It may be silly, but I’ve waited this long, so a little more won’t kill me.  And it’s not like I don’t know what is going to happen during the Sigh arc anyway because I read the light novel over Christmas.  So I can wait.

So there you have it, the reasons I have not finished season two.  Is it inferior to season one?  Sure it is.  It would be impossible for it not to be because season one became a pop culture phenomenon for good reason, but season two is by no means unwatchable like many people have claimed it to be.

I am really looking forward to the Disappearance movie, which I hope will be making it over here across the pacific sooner rather than later. And I can’t help but wonder which I will see first, the movie or the end of season two?   Anyone willing to place bets?

Till next time.

- DC

PS:  I apologize for the lateness of this “rant, blog, essay, thing, whatever.”  I am well aware I told you fine people that you would have this well over a month ago.  I beg your forgiveness and humbly throw myself before the mercy of the court.

The whole principle is wrong; it’s like demanding that grown men live on skim milk because the baby can’t eat steak.

- Robert Heinlein (commonly attributed to Mark Twain)

Fans raged on twitter and IRC channels today as FUNimation announced that Dance in the Vampire Bund DVDs would be released censored. Ordinarily, broadcast versions of risque anime are censored, and DVD versions contain the full content as an extra enticement for fans to purchase the DVDs. In an age of increasing backlash against the sexualization of minors, however, FUNimation may be feeling the pressure to conform to Western social norms.

The announcement was made at the official FUNimation blog:

After viewing the unedited as well as the Japanese broadcast edit of the series Dance in the Vampire Bund, we have determined the series contains controversial elements which, when taken out of context, could be objectionable to some audiences.

With this in mind and with approval of the licensor, we will edit select scenes from the series in streaming and home entertainment release. These are scenes which are inappropriate for U.S. viewing and are not essential to the storyline.

Criticism there was no less heated, and a majority of comments expressed disapproval:

Dear Funimation,

If you cannot release a show without hacking it up you should just stay the hell away from it and save yourselves the licensing fees. I refuse to buy censored anime, and I know many other will feel the same way.

I wholeheartedly hope that your release of Dance in the Vampire Bund is an abysmal failure so that you’ll learn your lesson.

Censorship is and always has been an egregious offense to free speech and creativity.

Another fan wrote of the PR aspects:

FUNimation, is this really alright? Is it worth it to you?

This backlash from fans is just terrible PR for you . . . All I can do is hope you reverse the decision, and that fans can forgive you. I don’t want your reputation to crumble because of something like this.

Perhaps if Martin Niemöller were an anime otaku, he might write thus:

First they came for the lolis, and I said nothing, because I was not a lolicon;
Then they came for the panty shots, and I did not speak out—I was not a pantsu fetishist;
Then they came for the political references, and I did not speak out—their politics did not interest me anyhow;
Then they came for originality—and there was no reason left to watch.

Losers of the week:

Kirsten Dunst – see her in the Akiba film

Nick Simmons – it’s all over the net

The people that sent Christopher Handley to jail – it’s all over the net pt. 2

Winners of the Week:

The Noto Mamiko bug AKA Pandemonium Bug – Gintama 197

Mobile Suit Gundam Unicorn 01 – easily found

A reader’s mother for watching Chu-Bra! 01 and laughing during the talking breasts part – according to the reader, she did not love it but thought was all right.

Warning: No holds barred with all guns blazing.

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