Diary of an Anison Lived Part 2

Because of Eva, had I not watched Eva…

Had I not watched Eva, I’d never have been a bossanovista.

Bossa nova is indeed therapeutic, yes, iyashi means “healing,” which is perfect for gentle spirited, the meek, soshokukei, with stress intolerance, just like lactose intolerance and alcohol intolerance.

3-D life is too stressful. I can’t deal with it due to hypersensitivity. Just like some people are allergic to certain food, I’m allergic to stress. Yes, I have severe stress allergy. I can’t deal with the crowd. I can’t deal with human beings. I can’t deal with the shrill noise of megalopolis. I can’t deal with criticism and rejection. All of these are strident to my nerve. I just need praise and acceptance.

Everyday is Sisyphus’ grunt work, just to make ends meet. Eternal punishment. Stress makes people mean and obnoxious. No wonder people at work are the stress.

I don’t want to get bossed around, I rather tell them what to do. But, I don’t want to be a boss either since everyone I give orders will talk behind my back that how jerk I am. So, I don’t want anyone to work for me, and I don’t want to work for anybody. Why should you sacrifice your precious spirit for absurdity called “labor”? Nonsense. That’s why I can never be katagi (people loved by corporations, who can swim through corporate environment, solely based on how marketable and productive they are).

If I have enough dinero, I’ll just travel around the world, just like the scene from Spice And Wolf, Lawrence travels with Horo. The best romantic adventure. Tabi No Tochu (En Route On The Journey). Tora-san was also a romantic traveler, though people merely saw him as a knight-errant, or toseinin. I wish I could travel somewhere like Brazil or Sweden, or the Alps, and have picnic and play Edelweiss with guitar, and walk around the lake with a girl, or ride on a little boat with her. Yes, boat date! O barquinho (little boat)!

If I could have boat romance, I would never have held any grudge toward 3-D, i.e., capitalism, and ended up being a cynical pessimist, spending all my free time for 2-D romance. Without romance, I would die from boredom, just like Schopenhauer said.

Yes, a girl’s smile…, that’s what I really need. And particularly, skinship! That’s what I’ve been wanting for eons. Just a little peck on the cheek would make my day. But in 3-D, I can’t even get to reach that since 3-D girls are cold like dead fish. I always hear, “I already have a boyfriend,” even though some of them actually don’t. What’s worse, “I already have a fiancé.” “I’m married.” Showing off their ring of enchaînement. Seems to me that they’re basically telling me, “Noli Me Tangere,” which in English translates to “Fuck off, nerd!” I wonder if they realize that I even exist. They pass me by like I’m transparent. The word Transparent self by Sakakibara Seito hits me hard rather than Ralph Ellison’s Invisible man. I’ve tried so hard to be opaque, but to no avail. Just like Girl From Ipanema, she doesn’t see…

I’ve always been transparent, in other words, untouchable. Even though I give out my number, my phone never vibrates. I always leave my phone on beside my pillow, so whenever a girl feels lonely and texts me at midnight, I can wake up and respond in time and even drive to her place and cuddle together. No More Lonely Night! But, that never happened. So, the only girls I seek are 2-D girls, listening to bossa. Just like Don Quixote compared poetry to a tender young maiden of supreme beauty, I compare bossa nova to a 2-D maiden of gigakawaii (“giza-kawayusu” by Shokotan).

Therefore, bossa fits my personality perfectly. Bossa comforts me. Nothing can replace bossa, even alcohol and drugs can’t alleviate my saudade. Bossa soothes my senses. I don’t want to be provoked by intense music like rock and hip-hop. I can’t go clubbing either, it’s too crowded and too loud. I rather live quietly in the country. Beatus ille. Yes, idyllic music, how otiose…

And the best bossa song I’ve ever heard from anime was Feel My Feeling by Sawachika Eri (cv: Horie Yui). It was much better than any Ono Lisa song. Seiyuu voice is so perfect for bossa! So serene. And cute! Cuteness and serenity. Ah, Yakumo (cv: Noto Mamiko), she should sing bossa too! How heavenly. Beautiful bossa with a divine voice. Ahhh, Sawachika Eri, an epitome of tsundere, archetype! A tsundere girl sings bossa! I just burst into ecstatic laughter, “Hahihuheho!” How come not a single bossa band has covered this song? Even a vocaloid like Megurine Luka sings bossa nova!

4 thoughts on “Diary of an Anison Lived Part 2”

  1. Hey there! :)

    I just wanted to say that what you said here on this post was very meaningful from what I can tell. I can’t help but think that I’ve felt like that many times before being ignored or shunned in the 3-D world. It is a very understandable experience and so all I really want to say is “you’re not alone.” I just felt like I had to say that….

    1. @Mitch

      Thank you very very much for the sympathy. I really appreciate that. Yes, that’s what I’m writing for, in hope of someone out there who have been going thru the same emotional experience as a 2-D refugee. “You’re not alone” reminds me of Michael Jackson song. :)

  2. Theses lines intrigued me;
    Yes, I have severe stress allergy. I can’t deal with the crowd. I can’t deal with human beings. I can’t deal with the shrill noise of megalopolis. I can’t deal with criticism and rejection. All of these are strident to my nerve. I just need praise and acceptance.
    and;
    I don’t want to get bossed around, I rather tell them what to do. But, I don’t want to be a boss either since everyone I give orders will talk behind my back that how jerk I am. So, I don’t want anyone to work for me, and I don’t want to work for anybody. Why should you sacrifice your precious spirit for absurdity called “labor”? Nonsense.

    Sounds a lot like Anthropophobia, a fear of people or being in a company. Obviously I don’t know you and I’m not stupid enough to make ignorant claims such has you have this phobia etc, etc, just interesting.

    1. @woo

      Stupid enough??? How can you find it stupid? That explaining why I love Bossa Nova the most as an Otaku/NEET/hikikomori. Obviously you don’t know me because I remain anonymous online. I wouldn’t write this stuff if I’m not anonymous!

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