Keima the gamer, totally plays Tora-san this time!
That’s right, supporting girl’s romantic success even though she’s into someone else. Chihiro, played by AsuMisu, the same seiyuu for Miya of Amagami SS, is today’s Keima’s Madonna. Yet, Chihiro is already in love with some ikemen named Yuta, who looks like Yagami Light, so instead of conquering her, he gives her advice to make her crush hers.
3-D romance is harsh, especially when you find out that a girl you like is into another dude. I’m always like, “Is she going out with that fuckhead?” and turns out that my nightmare was real. If only I was her sexual object… How severely I’ve wanted to be objectified… Objectification is a road to divinity, yes, skinship! How come I’m always an extra, an actor without a line, at a theater called “3-D”?
Here, immigrants, gaijin, are extras. You just come in to fill the background. Second class citizens with English as second language. Always second, i.e., inferior. But Arnold was also a gaijin, so I truly admired him. He definitely made me feel good! He was one of the reasons I moved to California. Despite his heavy second language accent, he made it to the top both in acting and politics, and even marrying to the American family icon. I was hoping his political success would lead to the constitutional amendment. But California’s economy tanked under his watch, and recently separated from the Kennedy, and was revealed that he had a secret child. As a gaijin, these recent news about him are heart-breaking.
But the other exalting news was back in 2008, when a son of a gaijin from Kenya was elected into office, but even today some still doubt his nativity like Trump did with his birthers, which really offended me. “You can be anything you want, except for President.” Therefore, Arnold still remains a second-class citizen. Thus, America is pretty much 3-D.
Speaking of the second class, the worst second-class creature would be gokiburi (roach). Keima turns into a gokiburi, hides away from a contemptuous look from girls, “Kimoi, otamega (Disgusting, otaku-megane).” That Kafkaesque scene really struck me to the bone. It reminded me of a Moritaka Chisato’s song The Busters Blues. That song came out in 1990, when Japan was still in the middle of the thriving bubble economy. And now the decades have passed, but girls still see us as something grotesque like gokiburi. No wonder I see my shadow having long elastic antenna, which induces abjection. “Wait. Is this shadow really mine? It can’t be!” That’s why I’m afraid of the mirror. I’m afraid that I would see a gokiburi in the mirror. So, I avoid the mirror or anything that reflects my image such as windows at the shopping malls. “Who’s that ugly creature standing right there?” And when I realize it’s actually me, I stampede away from the mirror. Just like that gnome in a Oscar Wilde’s writing. Just like Iguana No Musume!
Ah, Quasimodo in the mirror. We can never get to have skinship with Esmeralda. So we withdraw from 3-D, a hikikomori in the attic. The best a Quasimodo can become is a Tora-san, always ends up helping instead of conquering. I don’t want to be a Tora-san. His life was too sad. He helped all these Madonnas but never got a reward and died in vain. I don’t want to be like that! I don’t want to be senile, I don’t want to die, I want to remain young forever, and enjoy romance!
But Keima doesn’t care a bit about it since he’s a 2-D person to a T. How can he manage to keep his cool? Even if a real girl like Chihiro embraces him from behind like this, he doesn’t even have a mokkori! I’m totally amazed by his awesome goshin (defense) ability. 3-D girls don’t affect him at all. A truly enlightened being!I wish I could be like that. But I still envy 3-D world. Once in a while I go to Starbucks, just to see a barista girl smile, also to get some fresh air, since spending most of the time in 2-D at home. Though I try to avoid 3-D girls, they still appear unapologetically cute. My head goes completely blank just by a little accidental eye contact with them. So I smile at them, but they just don’t see, just like Girl From Ipanema. Thus, I have 2-D skin 3-D masks.