From The Diet 3 Daily –
Oct. 13, The Diet 3, Atlantis. After numerous attempts to flush out the rats known as sploggers with Eva Unit 15’s, Ikari “Mike” Gendo finally decided to institute an iron law.
“All criminals found splogging will first be strip naked. Cuss words and other inappropriate words will be written on their backs, in French. Afterwards, these criminals will be given PVC claymores and be sent to the heart of Singapore, where yomas exist.” Commented Misato “Jeane” Katsuragi, the city of The Diet 3’s official spokeswoman.
Yomas are known as beings that live by feeding on human internal organs. It is rumored that livers and testicles are favored by yomas of both sexes.
“Just stir fry them with garlic, salt, some soy sauce, some fish sauce, and some green onion, and serve them with rice and you’ve got an excellent breakfast to start out your day the right way!” A female yoma said on a Singaporean cooking show.
“I like the balls sliced thin and raw with wasabi on the side for dipping,” Kotono “Jeane” (last name withheld) said. “I particularly enjoyed the guts and balls from the last group of…sploggers? Is that what they call them? Oh, we just call them ‘our daily bread’…I mean, sometimes I actually eat their balls with rye bread! Raw of course, and great for your health!”
“I think our cyber citizens will be thrilled.” A man with a large and black helmet only wish to be identified as Rayder mused. “I personally want to stake their mothers, sisters, their little cousins, their little brothers, their girlfriends, their co-workers, their other relatives, and everyone that knows them like what Count Dracula did to his enemies, so these “staked” people will suffer for days screaming in pain and agony with crows eating their eyeballs while the sploggers watch and weep, but I’m afraid the emperor…I mean Ikari “Mike” Gendo isn’t as lenient as I.”
We have been eagerly waiting for the next report from the heart of Singapore but have received no further reports from our reporter.
Mike Huang also eagerly contributed to this story