Gendo ’08: A Change the Whole World Can Believe In!

(HT to Furu Anime Panikku. Transcript courtesy of the Diet-3 Daily)

Yes, fellow citizens of Earth, the rumor is true. I, Ikari “Mike” Gendo, am running for the highest office not only in the land but in the world. The announcement went forth publicly for the first time at Animazement 2007, and I have launched my campaign to unite not just Democrats and Republicans, not just America, but the entire world in a vision of peace, harmony, and instrumentality.

When I am elected, I promise to the American people that I will

  • Work in a “bipartisan” manner with the Congress to ensure passage of the Homeland Security Reorganization Act of 2008. Henceforth, the Homeland Security Department, the Congress, the Directorate of National Intelligence and all its associated 19 agencies, and the Supreme Court will be known as SEELE.
  • Refocus the efforts of our military toward the most pressing threats of the future. Henceforth, the Department of Defense will be renamed The Department of Angelic Warfare. The Pentagon shall be moved underground and rebuilt as a pyramid.
  • Massively increase funding for scientific research under the auspices of a new cabinet level department coordinating research funds, which will be known as NERV. I will once again make America the leader in scientific advancement through Project EVA!
  • Begin the most ambitious overhaul of our welfare and entitlement system in all history, while lowering taxes for all through the Human Instrumentality Project! The HIP will also strengthen marriages for all of eternity and ensure your children a safe, warm, happy, and dream-filled future in unity with all mankind.

For more details, see a detailed press conference I conducted.

I promise to enact all this within the first 100 days of my election. Unlike the politicians in Washington, I mean what I say, and I do what I promise. You can count on that. I will do everything I can to ensure that the people of America, and the world, are safe from tyranny (natural and Angelic), and that together with NERV and SELLE and the HIP, we will all fall into a wonderful future together. Forever!

I’m Ikari “Mike” Gendo, and my stunt double as shown above approved this message. I am in a secure, undisclosed location, and he is there to take any bullets that may now come my way. Because he HAS to. Or else.

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