Category Archives: Believe What You Hear

Mike has officially signed up for the Mega Playboy program in Akiba.

From the Diet 3 Daily -

Tokyo, Japan. Today has been declared a day of sticky memories as one of the members of Anime Diet has entered the Mega Playboy Academy in downtown Akiba.

“I got really sick and tired of people making fun of my sexuality just because I love all the Shojo shows under the rising sun, and I cried when Hiromi didn’t win that tournament in Ace Wo Narae, so I decided to go macho – with a gentler touch that will excite my fangirls.” Said Ikari “Mike” Gendo. “After all, drooling over Rei Ayanami and thinking her as Yui every night has taken too much toll on me, and I know it’s time for me to move on and stop blaming Shinji for the accident.”

“In any event, I’m sure they’ll take really good care of me at the Academy.”

Our sources indicate that at the Mega Playboy academy, the women are dressed in maid outfits, cheerleader uniforms, Maiko costumes, catgirl costumes, nurse outfits, and other fascinating clothing that many men seem to prefer.

“We’re most definitely a respected institution even though we’re still young,” said Yonagi Ishi, the director of the institute. “Our ladies have been trained properly every night. When a younger lady meets an older lady, the younger lady addresses the older one as ‘Oneesama’, and the older lady often greet her with a proper kiss, as Europeans do. We also allow longer and more affectionate kisses as they do in our more advanced training videos.”

Sadly, the exact location of the academy remains a secret except to people with high prestige that actually have problems meeting women. Our reporters are doing their best to infiltrate the compound as we speak.

Ray is nowhere to be found. We believe he’s been a member of the academy for quite a long time.

A crossover invasion event of global proportions!

From The Diet 3 Daily (formerly known as www.believewhatyouhear.org) -

Pinky and the Brain VS Keroro Gunso – The Earth’s biggest Crisis?

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Seeing the grand success of the wildly popular Demashitaa! Powerpuff Girls Z anime, which was kind of ported over/mostly inspired by the American Powerpuff Girls cartoon, and the Akahori Gedo Hour Love-ge (Zettai Seigi VS Gedou Otome Tai) on 2.5chan and in a certain Asian country (Singapore), WB decided to invite the director of the Zettai VS Gedou anime, Matsui Hitoyuki, to direct a special one hour “Crossover Invasion Event – Global Proportion’s!” in which the members of Keroro Gunso would pit their “supreme intelligence” against the “masterful schemes” of Pinky and the Brain, who has desires to take over the world. Keroro Gunso, with its even greater ambition as of late, will attempt to educate Brain about aiming for a bigger dream – taking over the universe.

“We are certainly very will excited and very willing, based on the wildly successful Gedou Otome Tai and Zettai Seigi, to make this crossover possible.” Said Matsui Hitoyuki. “It’ll be one of the greatest experience in life working with the professionals from WB. As far as I know, that station has produced hits after hits and I’m thrilled to work with them.”

The date for this one hour special has not been set, but rumor has it that it’ll probably air around March of 2008.

Our sources also indicate that Banzai may produce a series of special one time only Gundam kits inspired by this crosover event. Information is still to come.

Professional Otaku for hire…

From The Diet 3 Daily -

Oct 31, 20007, Naha, Okinawa, Japan. Walking through the streets of Naha, in addition to the usual Lion Statues, stir fried mixes of different ingredients including goya (bitter melon), and hordes of American soldiers and tourists, a new attraction has grabbed a lot of attention from tourists.

Heavy set men with thick, black rimmed glasses carrying bags printed with the latest bishojo characters (cute and often sexually suggestive drawn characters), backpacks full of pins and insignias of anime characters such as Amuro Ray from Gundam, Spike from Cowboy Bebop, and C.C.C from Code the really Ge-ass the future Gen., and wearing shirts that says “Rie-sama moe moe moe” can be seening walking through the streets. They allow tourists to stop and take pictures for a fee.

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Some new ideas being pitched for new anime…

From The Diet 3 Daily -

Oct 30, 20007. New York City, New York, USA and Tokyo, Japan. Based on the popularity of shows such as Afro Samurai, Witch Blade, Bubble Gum Crisis 2040 and others made by combined efforts of Japanese and American ideas and staff, some ideas for possible new anime were pitched to executives from Studio I.G., Madhouse, and Sunrise and famous American movie directors including Quentin Tarantino and the Wachosky Brothers.

The ideas include: casting the voices of Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci in a Yakuza anime set in the not too distant future, where the Yakuza and the Italian mafia decide to combine forces out of respect for each other and facing threats from the military-based Russia mafia and government-sponsored Triads. Rumor has it that De Niro’s character will be a half Japanese and half Italian samurai that wields a pipe, a Tommy Gun, and a chef’s knife and drives around in a futuristic style 1930 Model A Ford. His partner, voiced by Joe Pesci, will wield a katana and a bat. One of the already proposed scenes involves some random street punk characters laughing at the ages of the two protagonists and the two beat the living hell out of them using the pipe and the bat. After their severe beating of the punks, they then will slam the door of their car against one of the punk’s shoulder repeatedly, and finally, De Niro will toss him in the trunk of the car and stab the character repeatedly with his knife. The exact genre of show is rumored to be a slice of futuristic mafia life comedy.

Another idea involves casting the voice of Clint Eastwood in a children’s show where he will play a gruff but kind-hearted captain of a space battleship battling against Cyber Alien invaders. He will teach mock-lessons about why is it bad to spit things, especially tobacco, and how to properly rough up a cyber alien lieutenant. One proposed scene involves Eastwood’s character grabbing the collar of an Alien commander while pointing a beam gun against the commander’s jaw while saying something similar to this line: “You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well do ya cyber punk?”

A possible third idea involves Samuel L. Jackson and a mythical Japanese Snake demon name Orochi. Samuel L. Jackson will be casted as an extremely foul-mouthed Bible quoting member of a special team from the GigaTokyo’s sanitary department. But in fact he’s from Section 99 of the Special National Security Force dealing with supernatural crimes. A production leak indicates that one scene has in fact already been made. In it Samuel L. Jackson’s character accidentally blow the head of a Chinpokemon off, and as he swears a ton, Orochi, the large snake demon, devours the snitch character, to which he exclaims: “Did you see that? g$%d$#n big m%th#$ f&*king snake just ate that m%th#$ f&*ker!”

The genre is rumored to be retro and funky supernatural/mystical.

Many other ideas were presented at the meeting but nothing else has been leaked other than the ideas mentioned above.

We at the Diet 3 fear for the future of anime.

Damn it, yet another Standalone Niceboat complex…

From The Diet 3 Daily -

October 19th, Yokohama, Kanazawa Prefecture, Japan. Just moments before, a teenager boy was arrested for his repeated harassment that led to his killing of a 24 year-old waitress at a maid cafe named “Nyo Cafe” in the port city.

The police found the waitress lying in a pool of red, wearing a standard maid uniform and a pair of glasses and with a badge that read: “Wecker Signa”. The boy was found standing next to her weeping, with a kitchen knife in hand.

In a statement, the boy confessed “she wouldn’t let me touch her, but she kept flirting with me and call me ‘my dearest master’, and so I tried to command her to get down on me, but she said that was ‘extracurrecular’ and it had to be done outside of the store with a large fee.

“I didn’t think she’d be such a bitch, so I showed her my knife, she started to scream, and I just lost it. Next thing I know, she was lying in a pool of red. I thought it was red ink. You know, School Days had black ink, so I thought this was a similar strategy the store used, except they used red ink.”

Psychiatrist Dr. Kato from the police’s special mental ward called this a “fantastical delusional psychosis.”

“The patient imagines the other person, often his perceived love interest, has become infinitely better than he is, and so at first he becomes enraged, and then he becomes furious and decides to lash out violently on the perceived love interest.”

Upon hearing the news, TV Kanazawa and several other stations have decided to cancel the showing of the episode 2 of the OVA Koharu Biyori, “out of consideration for the community in light of the [alleged] murder of a waitress.”

Our source indicates that some fans of the maid anime are preparing for a massive flaming war against these stations on 2ch and other Japanese BBS.

This just in – A yet unidentified girl was sent from the future to assassinate Ikari “Mike” Gendo.

Oct. 19th, The Diet 3, Atlantis, 20007. Rumors of an apparent assassination attempt appears to be true as our reporters witnessed Ikari “Mike” Gendo being sent to the secret medical facility behind his private mansion grounds.

A beautiful short haired girl was roughly shoved into an unmarked black SUV. We couldn’t get a clear shot of her, but fortunately, we have taken another picture of her:

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Previously, we have reported that Ikari “Mike” Gendo is a Mega playboy. With the arrest of this girl, and the apparent hospitalization of “Mike”, this information appears to be accurate.

Please stay tuned.

Splogging has officially become a crime punishable by having your guts eaten by yoma.

From The Diet 3 Daily -

Oct. 13, The Diet 3, Atlantis. After numerous attempts to flush out the rats known as sploggers with Eva Unit 15′s, Ikari “Mike” Gendo finally decided to institute an iron law.

“All criminals found splogging will first be strip naked. Cuss words and other inappropriate words will be written on their backs, in French. Afterwards, these criminals will be given PVC claymores and be sent to the heart of Singapore, where yomas exist.” Commented Misato “Jeane” Katsuragi, the city of The Diet 3′s official spokeswoman.

Yomas are known as beings that live by feeding on human internal organs. It is rumored that livers and testicles are favored by yomas of both sexes.

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Another day in cyber paradise.

From The Diet 3 Daily -

October 11, 2007. While we weren’t starving in Japan and we really love our raisin brans, the cyber gods decided to attack our agency with messages telling us that we stole some articles from an individual (not from the Individual 7) identified as “rayyhum777″.

We were shocked and dismayed at the awesome destructive power of the cyber gods when we looked at our front page. Realizing that potentially, every visitor who comes to our site would think that we regularly go out and steal other creators’ writings, graphics, and anime episodes, and that the cyber flame attack by the Cyber Godzilla would be unbearable, Mike decided to get into his Eva Unit X2.

It was a dangerous decision, and the rest of us (Jeremy, Fred, and Ray) begged him not to do it, and Ray even went out around 3 AM in the morning to search for Rei A. But she was nowhere to be found.

Fully knowing the danger of piloting the untested Eva X2, Mike decided to risk his live and he got into the unit.

It seems like the attack has stopped and the latest tactical data indicates that Eva Unit X2 had actually gone “Giga Berserk.”

Now we fear for the safety of cyber gods and we ask you for a moment of silence.

Mike was selected to be the other Mega Playboy.

Reminder: Our School Days Demotivational Poster contest ends in just two days! The deadline is October 6, 9:30 PM Pacific Standard Time, or October 7, 9:30 AM in Taiwan and Singapore. Please see here for more details.

From the Diet Daily -

October 5th, 2007, The Diet 3. We were the only source that break the news to you that Mr. Mike Huang was abducted by the Cybergods. Well, apparently, for whatever unknown reason, the cybergods had selected Mr. Mike Huang as the next Mega Playboy for the next 1000 years.

“OHMIGOD! I mean, MICHAEL-SAMA IS SO HOT!” Said one women in LA who refused to be named and refused to be racially identified. “God! I just want to follow him to his school, his classes, his room, and his bathroom…I mean when he goes to In ‘n’ Out Burgers!”

“I just want to have many children with ‘the Huang’!!!” Said another women in Pasadena who refused to be named and to be racially identified. “His genes are freaking awesome, and OMIGOD! Listening to his oh-so-sexy voice on the podcast just makes me feeling so hot in the $#%$*!!! Even more than listening to Michael Bolton singing!”

We tried to get a statement from Mr. Huang but he was unavailable. We saw him going into a female professor’s office.

Then 2 hours after, he left the female professor’s office. We once again tried to get a statement from him, but the cybergods summoned him immediately.

“I think he’s rather overwhelmed.” Said Ray Hu, the co-host of anime diet the web site. “He’s not used to the attention, and he’s considering to call himself ‘the artist who used to be called Michael Huang’. Or that’s what he told me.”

Jeremy Booth, the other co-host of the radio program on the website, shook his head when we interviewed him. “I think he’s way over his head. I mean, 200 women stalking him doesn’t make him all that popular.”

He immediately ran away from what we saw was – at least 500 women was chasing after him.

We finally found Mr. Fred, the4th writer on the web site, in what he called “the Love Palace”. He said: “What? The problems these guys face don’t even come close to the problems I face everyday.”

Our agency was having troubles finding 3 of the 4 guys running the site sometime later. We found Ray Hu, but he refused to give any comments.

His girlfriend shot our reporters out of his door with 1000 gigaslaves.

We’ll try to keep you updated.

Odex, FUNimation, and Media Factory have requested Section 9 for the crack down…

[Editor's note: check out our "School Days Demotivational Contest" by clicking the icon on the side bar and also this: http://animediet.net/archives/1662]

From The Diet 3  Daily -

Oct. 1st, Tokyo, Japan.  Our sources have indicated that 3 of the biggest animation conglomerates have somehow contacted the right people in the National Security Department and shockingly, they have somehow reached Aramaki, the section chief of Section 9, in order to help them to crack down on raw uploaders in Tokyo.

As incredible and improbable as this is, it seems like somehow the National Security Section 9 has been monitoring the progress of fansubs for the past 10 years and our sources indicated that they’re not quite pleased with the way Section 9 has been portrayed.

“We’re merely a search and rescue organization.” Said Major Kusanragi Motoko. “It really bothers us when people out there think we somehow secretly arrest raw uploaders, interrogate them, and even put them in jails without proper trials. It’s very troubling indeed.”

It has been rumored that the government has been secretly keeping tabs on raw uploaders in Tokyo and other big cities. Also, recently the government has been tightening up their censoring and cracking down of illegal anime and manga related activities, including selling doujinshi outside Comiket and other conventions.

Our agency has received an instant message with a video attached. The message simply stated that: “Right Wing imperialism similar to Meiji Restoration is on the rise again. The electing of Fukuda instead of Aso is a ruse simply to lower the guards of Japan’s neighbors including China and Korea, and the United States of America.

“Japan is planning another world take over, not by military force or economic power, but something even more dark and highly sinister…”

The rather puzzling video displays footages of a young Japanese man wearing a high school uniform with glasses and surrounded by women of different races and hair colors, wearing different culturally specific outfits, including a US colonial-style blouse, a German beer maid outfit, and a Chinese Dress, walking on a non-descriptive Japanese high school campus with falling Cherry Blossom flower petals in the background.

“It’s the women! Our women…No…!”

The  message ended abruptly there.

Our agency is still trying to determine the meaning of this message and the attached video. But what is certain is that the (Imperial) Japanese  government is on the move, with American and Japanese corporate cooperation.

Of course, we are not ruling out the possibility that this could be a prank by the cosplayers in the States.

________________________________________________________________________

Reporter Shinsen  Kumi also contributed to the story

A celebration in front of AT-X quickly turned into a riot.

From The Diet 3 Daily -

Sept 29, 2007. Immediately after the last episode of “School Days” was played, fans gathered in front of the station and celebrated the death of Makoto.

“Nice death.” A chubby man with glasses gushed, then he immediately corrected himself: “I mean, geez, this is more bloody than the game. But at least we got to see him die without having to buy another copy of the game.”

“Waa! Sekai sama!” Another chubby man with thick-rimmed glasses said with tears: “I loved you! I loved you! I still love you! Damn that psycho bitch for killing my Sekai-sama!”

Immediately, another chubby man with thick rimmed glasses approached him from behind and started beating him on the head with a paper fan. The two began to fight desperately.

“Kill them all, baby!” A woman with wearing a shirt that said in katakana: “Makoto must die” was frantically swinging a wooden kitchen knive wearing the uniform of the school that the females characters goes to. “I cried tears of relief when Sekai-san sliced and diced him like sashimi. Hmm…Delicious!”

Incredibly, she was attacked by some men and women wearing the shirt that says: “the Makoto-sama fan club” with foam bats, but she fought back valiantly with her wooden kitchen knive.

As far as our reporter had seen, no injuries had occured.

The station personnel seemed slightly startled but didn’t react. Nobody even picked up the phone and called the police.

“They’re just dumb otakus…I mean fans. These people can’t do any harm.” said an employee refused to be named. “Besides, it’s actually late and I’m going to the bar to drink with my friends. If the security guards aren’t going to do anything, then what do I care? These are just stupid people having nothing better to do.”

A female employee identified as “Sekai” said: “These people are probably drunk and they need to go home and sleep and don’t take a stupid anime seriously.” She paused, then added: “Japan is becoming more and more unsafe these days.”

Our reporter received no bodily harm.

Yaoi doujin artist arrested.

From The Diet 3 Daily -

Sept 26, Fukuyama City, Hiroshima Prefecture, Japan. Earlier today, the local police arrested Minami Takayama, a 35-year old unmarried women who’s been drawing yaoi vampire doujinshi for 15 years.

The police chief reported that the local branch of the “Shin Mobile Morality Squad” has been secretly tracking this woman’s underground sales of her work to girls and women ranging from 14 to 45; from middle school girls to middle-aged housewives.

“She has been secretly selling indecent materials of sexual activities depicting men on men, men on boys, boys on boys, men to boys, and boys to men,” said Chief Watanabe. “Her work would’ve been acceptable if she were selling them in certain conventions in Tokyo, but she insisted on breaking the rules and the social stigma and selling outside these conventions.

“We think her abnormal behavior has something to do with her 2-year study abroad in America.” Chief Watanabe added.

“Freedom of speech is good, but too much of it can be really bad.” Commented Ms. Yoshida, a local housewife. “Thank my ancestors I refused to deal with her when she came to my house asking me to buy a copy of a ‘new and innovative read’ for housewives. I just said no.

“And I would like to encourage all bored housewives to watch drama, date younger men online, and play with boys from your local middle and high schools. Trust me, it makes the life more interesting that way.”

Police found 10000+ copies of yaoi doujinshi work from at Takayama’s home. It’s reported that her room is full of posters showing male characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion, Hellsing, Fullmetal Alchemist, Kujibiki Unbalance, Prince of Tennis, and others.

She faces 5 years in prison with a stiff 450000 yen fine.

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