Category Archives: Believe What You Hear

Blackstone Takes Majority Stake in Aniplex

Citing financial difficulties, Aniplex is expected to announce tomorrow that The Blackstone Group is taking an eighty percent stake for an undisclosed sum estimated at $230 million. The rise in the digital distribution of entertainment has eroded the Japanese production company’s margins. This comes at a time when Blackstone, headquartered in New York City, seeks to create synergy among its multitude of holdings. Analysts predict the private equity firm to buyout the remaining shares by year end. The effect of the acquisition on Aniplex’s licensing strategy remains unclear at the moment.

Shares of The Blackstone Group (NYSE: BX) jumped $0.40 in after hours trading.

Anime Figurines Pulled from Wal-Mart

The Fortune 100 company announced that it’s pulling all figurines from Air off the shelves immediately. Air is an anime TV series that aired in 2005. It is based on a hentai game of the same name. The decision came earlier this week after a student at the Castlemont Elementary School noticed a classmate playing with a Misuzu figurine. The parent, who asked to remain anonymous, had purchased the toy for her eight year old daughter who recently started watching Pokemon and other anime.

A spokeswoman for Wal-Mart stated that the retailer regrets the oversight and has initiated new purchasing guidelines to prevent future incidents.

 

The Puella Magi Contract Memorial Wall: Your Wishes, Reprinted

Examples of the victims we are honoring.

Three weeks ago, Anime Diet was seized by Kyubey in a hostile takeover, in order to drive innocent girls to make Puella Magi contracts.  We all know the tragic consequences of these devilish deals and it was only through great effort and struggle that the site was restored to normal.

And now that all is once again right with the world, we wish to honor all the fallen souls by listing the best wishes that were made. They reflect the hopes and dreams of people, the aspirations that would cause someone to give everything up. We must remember them.

Some entries describe the wishes of many people:

world peace  —anonymous

And others were, well, just strange.

I want to become a famous poodle. ^_^ —Bob Smith

Please turn all men with a mole on their back into lizards! —animemiz

Another wanted objects of value.

i want lots of money to buy lots of figurines :D  —silk hat

And others were motivated by love (names withheld in first entry to protect the innocent):

To make my long time childhood friend and crush forcibly take me away from my current boy friend.

Homura Akemi as my new assistant. —The Doctor

There were some surprising, familiar names who wished for very specific fates.

I wish I could fucking murder that asshole Kira Yamato. —Shinn Asuka

I wish my head wouldn’t hurt so much when I use my eyes... —Shiki Tohno

I wish Rin were more healthy.Len Kagamine

Others seemed well aware of the risks and were perhaps more in tune with reality than we thought.

To not turn into a witch and keep my soul in my body. —Lisa Simpson

And, finally, wishes we can all easily agree upon. Especially the last one.

I wish for a speedy and somewhat uplifting ending to Puella Magi Madoka Magica. —Michael is Low on Hit Points

I wish this page to receive no more visits. :p —Abril Pinero

The last wish has already come true. No more contracts will ever be made.

Thank you to all the souls who gave their lives for good and for their contributions! A final debriefing (ie, a review of Madoka Magica) will commence tomorrow.

 

Fans and Citizens of Diet 3 Unite!

From the Diet 3 Daily -

Friends, fans, comrades, citizens and pedastrian A, B, or C of Anime Diet/Diet 3, hear us!

Since the June/July period began, we have been preparing to venture once again into the arena called convention coverage. It promises to be a big battleground. We shall establish our fort and bravely charge into the midst of it. As a warm up contest, we have been entered the Aniblog Tourney. We express our thanks to all those who have supported us through round 2 of the campaign, where we went head to head with our opponent and escaped with a slim margin of victory. As we’re now in round 3, we face a greater enemy than anything we have seen.

I for one, have several doubts concerning his compatriot’s action against Chihara Minori. But to each his own. As a whole, we’re not in the position of judging the action of others. As such, his name will live in infamy (lol) in the Otaku world, perhaps more so in the Malaysian fan Community (banzai).

Certainly, he has gained many more fans after the event. As of this moment, they have come out in full force in support of his presence in the tournament. We congratulate his fans and supporters as well as what they are supporting. As for us, we certainly would like to see the success of both sides as we venture onward. As to our fans and supporters, we would like to see you come out in a full-throated defense of our message. Because your suppport will show a great deal of meaning as statements declared to the entire world, defending the purity (lol) of the image of Otakudom.

We know your time is precious, so we’ll leave you with this: Do the right thing and defend the integrity (lol) of Otakudom from the world of hateful, discriminative prosecutors. Present them with the right message. Recover our reputation (rofl) from the mire.

Vote for the Diet. Do the Diet. Whatever.

Not really paid for except for the hosting and bandwidth of Anime Diet site by Anime Diet for Winning the Aniblog Tourney Campaign. Committee. If I have to tell you this is a joke post then you need to chillout. Stay tuned to our AX 2010 Covention Coverage.

Obama Declares it Legal to Marry 2D Fictional Characters in the US

WASHINGTON – In a surprise move today, US President Barack Obama issued an official Executive Order that from henceforth it is now legal for individuals in the United States of America to marry fictional 2D characters.

“We have seen progress my friends, and it has come from the east,” Obama said, citing recent advances in Asia where the marriage of humans and fictional characters has already begun. “I have heard the plea from our people in the otaku community, and no longer will the United States of America discriminate against our two-dimensional citizens.  Animericans will now have the same rights and privileges to marry whomever they choose.”

Animericans, short for Animated-Americans, are simply fictional cartoon characters.  While not technically alive by any means, American otaku citizens have been fighting tooth and nail for the right to marry their two dimensional love interests since they saw it was becoming all the rage across the Pacific.

“Today, I believe the President has made great strides in bringing human Americans and Animericans closer together. In more ways than one,” said Animerican activist Ron Nerdageek, head of the Marriage Otaku Equality league.  He then held up a picture of his Animerican girlfriend Misato Katsuragi, drawn winking and flashing a victory sign to the camera.  “I’m so glad we can finally marry!” her word balloon declared.

This lovely couple aren’t the only ones excited about the new presidential mandate.  Already hundreds of otakus have been lining up outside courthouses, some dressed in tuxedos carrying drawings of cute anime girls in wedding dresses.  “Real women never paid any attention to me,” said an anonymous otaku as he waited in line with a cardboard cutout of his bride to be. “But Haruka has always been there for me.  This is a proud day for both of us.”

This move has brought harsh criticism from certain members of Congress who are staunchly against the idea of marriage to cartoons.  “This is absolutely ridiculous,” decried 569th district representative and Anti-Animerican Party member Gus Mcdoodledonnel. “They aren’t real!  Grow up you losers!”

Nevertheless, as it stands right now, people are free to marry the fictional character of their choice.

So if you will please excuse me I have a date with Motoko Kusanagi and Wonder Woman I need to get ready for.

Mai Waifu

As spring approaches, Valentine’s Day is upon us, and even the most hardened anime otaku’s thoughts must turn to love.

Though some resist this destiny, I will not run, scream, or fight. I have always been of the opinion that the most important decisions are those you make in an instant and stick with for a lifetime.

Therefore, in accordance with time-honored tradition,

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Ni-pah, Yaan, Au, Fuwa-Fuwa (NYAF)

Anime Diet East will be spreading its banner and once again making the sacred pilgrimage to New York for the New York Anime Festival. Oddly enough, the only set items on the schedule are the Del Ray pre-party, the Yui Makino concert, and a certain karaoke gathering for those of exceptionally refined taste and articulation.

Not a recommended way to travel.
Not a recommended way to travel.

Liveblogging will occur via Twitter.  Expect incriminating photos.

A Brave New Divergence

I have seen the future, and it is fantastic.

uniformlook
These bounce each time she gives a status report. No joke.

Multicolored hair!  Massive oppai¹!  Quantum everything!  Cool robots!  Just ignore the bizarre displays of objectum sexual² behavior that accompany all these things in Divergence Eve, and we’ll proceed.

DivEve

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Anime Diet wishes you a happy Cirno Day

Advent Cirno, as drawn by 牛木義隆 (Yoshitaka Ushiki)
Advent Cirno, as drawn by 牛木義隆 (Yoshitaka Ushiki)

Anime Diet wishes all residents of Gensyoko a happy Cirno Day.  ZUN, creator of Touhou, alternately labeled Cirno “the strongest faerie” and “⑨ – idiot.”  With these fateful words, a legend was born.  As such, 09/09/09 is now celebrated worldwide as Cirno Day.

Shocking! The Chief Editor and the Dreamer of Anime Diet Found Together not in San Francisco!

From the Diet 3 Daily –

Bangkok, Thailand, Sept. 3, 2009. Our reporters discovered with much shock that the overlords of Anime Diet, Maike, AKA  Ikari Gendo and Jeromy Jagi, AKA Giga J, were sharing a bed together!

With apologies...Of course it's not real for us!
With apologies to the real author...Of course it's not real for us!

Upon hearing the news, Rayder, AKA Krauser III, was so shocked that he only said: “Freaking traitors! You guys weren’t even in San Francisco! You bastards!”

Maike and Jeromy issued a press statement: “We were just playing cards together and it got rather intense so we yelled in unison in frustration. That’s what men usually do, right?”

The yaoi fan girls in the Diet’s audience were ecstatic over the outcome and they hated Rayder even more.

“He purposely set them up and then sent reporters there, that bastard!” Said one Diet’s fan girl. “Just because he was jealous of how close his…uh…friends were!”

“Of course it was beautiful…I mean, a trap set up by Rayder! What a jerk for ruining a hawt moment…I mean creating a scandalous moment just for the sake of making news…Actually, that wasn’t so bad…” Said another fan girl blushing and drooling from her mouth while having a nose bleed. “No…That…was…awesome…Ah hem.” She wiped her nose with the last tissue from her tissue box.

“Thank you…I mean, that was terrible, Rayder!” A regular contributor of the Diet complained. “Let them be… I mean, creating a scandal like that…That’s…uh…mean…yeah, that’s it.” She said while wiping off the drool from her mouth. “They can’t do that…But in any case, can I have more?”

The fiasco for the Diet is currently being evaluated by the Seele of the Diet as we speak.

Section 9 unsure which party to support at this point.

From The Diet 3 Daily –

August 27, 2009, somewhere under Tokyo, Japan. Chief Aramaki indicated at a certain gathering that the current Japanese politics is murky at best and the best direction for the people is not up to Section 9, or any other sections at the Public Security. However, our inside source caught a whisper.

“…Aso may not be the best…in our interest…however…Hatoyama…It is my belief that our amount funding shall not change no matter…As the people may suspect…”

Our source had to leave when Captain Kusanagi, Aramaki’s right-hand woman, looked up. Without confirming  if we were found out or not, our source left the premises immediately.

However, as much as we could get from limited information, Section 9 did not see Aso’s situation as favorable.

“One could usually see Section 9’s people around Aso, but recently…” One cabinet member who refused to be named mused: “I haven’t seen them around him.”

The outcome of the election remains to be seen. However, Aso’s Cyber-campaign had already begun…

Our crack team of Cyber-specialists as well as mind-attack analyzers have already begun analyzing the CM.

More updates to come.