The recent theft of costumes and props from an AKB48 set highlights an interesting behavioral pattern. Viewed in a harsh light, it might be seen as a kind of voodoo, a ritual shamanism: obtaining relics of important people so as to be nearer to them and draw upon their power.

Mainichi Japan concludes its article on the incident with a tell-tale quote: “We intended to sell the items after getting tired of looking at them.” At once the frivolity of the exercise is laid bare: having no practical use for girls’ clothing or specially made signboards, all the boys really could do is look at the objects.

Historically, in Japanese culture a preoccupation with money was often considered the mark of an inferior mind. The story of the Edo-era monk Gessen, who produced masterful paintings for exorbitant fees, demonstrates how even geisha would show contempt for one who too openly pursued gold. Unlike Gessen, who purportedly amassed money to help alleviate a famine in his home province, no mention is made of a higher purpose for the AKB48 thefts. Any connection between possession of the “relics” of AKB48 and benefit to the boys exists solely in their minds.

And yet, what higher purpose is there in anime? “Catch them all,” we are told. “Collect figurines.” “Rare cards give you better chances to win.” Whether it’s Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh, Beyblade, Pretty Cure or even shows such as K-On that do not directly allude to collecting, without a doubt, the entire purpose of the exercise is to sell merchandise. Sekirei goes so far as to subvert this by suggesting that men collect women like trading cards, in order to draw upon the different advantages each can offer – surely an absurd exercise, and yet one accepted as a simple extension of the same “anime logic.”

International fandom is hardly exempt: while gaijin have not been entering winning bids on Haruhi footage, pushing up the sales of Japanese phone models seen on K-On, or paying tens of thousands of yen to sponsor Touhou videos, nevertheless DVD and memorabilia sales tie the overseas fan to the market. It is a tie that is zealously enforced by industry and reviewers alike, with the former issuing DMCA takedown notices and the latter issuing repeated admonitions to support the industry.

Viewed in a strictly economic sense, this is all rational. Artists must be paid, even if, in an unfortunate twist on Gessen, an animation artist’s pay is insufficient to keep anyone from starving. But perhaps it’s time we cracked the beast open and looked at its guts. The acquisition of objects is done with happiness as the ultimate aim. However, happiness gained in this manner cannot last. The fact that the teens planned for the obsolescence of these relics – and planned to dispose of them once they were done – is very telling. Is it meaningful to love something so much that you break the law to attain it, all the while knowing that you will eventually grow tired of it and discard it when it ceases to thrill you? If we were to speak of a romantic pursuit in these terms, surely that would seem like a very familiar cruelty, a pointless exercise.

What is the resolution here? Who benefits from this nonproductive pattern of behavior? Planned obsolescence economically favors the producers: rather than a $250 watch that lasts 50 years, a watchmaker would prefer to sell you a $50 watch every 5 years, making more money overall. Recontextualizing objects sustains the industry: an arbitrary piece of fabric is not worth tens of thousands of yen, but if it’s some hard-to-find dakimakura, that might be an acceptable price. What you are buying is not the object, but its associations: the dreams, fears, and hopes you cannot help but think of when you hold it.

What the three Japanese boys truly sought was not the physical reality of signboards and girls’ clothing, but the illusion of AKB48.

The whole principle is wrong; it’s like demanding that grown men live on skim milk because the baby can’t eat steak.

- Robert Heinlein (commonly attributed to Mark Twain)

Fans raged on twitter and IRC channels today as FUNimation announced that Dance in the Vampire Bund DVDs would be released censored. Ordinarily, broadcast versions of risque anime are censored, and DVD versions contain the full content as an extra enticement for fans to purchase the DVDs. In an age of increasing backlash against the sexualization of minors, however, FUNimation may be feeling the pressure to conform to Western social norms.

The announcement was made at the official FUNimation blog:

After viewing the unedited as well as the Japanese broadcast edit of the series Dance in the Vampire Bund, we have determined the series contains controversial elements which, when taken out of context, could be objectionable to some audiences.

With this in mind and with approval of the licensor, we will edit select scenes from the series in streaming and home entertainment release. These are scenes which are inappropriate for U.S. viewing and are not essential to the storyline.

Criticism there was no less heated, and a majority of comments expressed disapproval:

Dear Funimation,

If you cannot release a show without hacking it up you should just stay the hell away from it and save yourselves the licensing fees. I refuse to buy censored anime, and I know many other will feel the same way.

I wholeheartedly hope that your release of Dance in the Vampire Bund is an abysmal failure so that you’ll learn your lesson.

Censorship is and always has been an egregious offense to free speech and creativity.

Another fan wrote of the PR aspects:

FUNimation, is this really alright? Is it worth it to you?

This backlash from fans is just terrible PR for you . . . All I can do is hope you reverse the decision, and that fans can forgive you. I don’t want your reputation to crumble because of something like this.

Perhaps if Martin Niemöller were an anime otaku, he might write thus:

First they came for the lolis, and I said nothing, because I was not a lolicon;
Then they came for the panty shots, and I did not speak out—I was not a pantsu fetishist;
Then they came for the political references, and I did not speak out—their politics did not interest me anyhow;
Then they came for originality—and there was no reason left to watch.

Good artists copy; great artists steal.

- Attributed to Pablo Picasso

What is the difference between copying something and stealing it?  To copy is to mimic, to ape, at all steps being cognizant of the fact that the thing you are copying is not your own.  To steal is to take something and make it your own.  Therein lies the fundamental difference in attitude between the technically competent and the great: an artist who merely copies without making a work his own has not imparted his own style and has not truly produced something worthy of being called art.  He is a failure as an artist.  A great artist, no matter how much he may superficially use the styles of others, leaves his own mark on things.

[I felt like] I just lost my girlfriend, because that song isn’t mine anymore… It really made me think about how powerful music is as a medium and art form. I wrote some words and music in my bedroom as a way of staying sane, about a bleak and desperate place I was in, totally isolated and alone. [Somehow] that winds up reinterpreted by a music legend from a radically different era/genre and still retains sincerity and meaning — different, but every bit as pure.

-Trent Reznor, on the Johnny Cash cover of ‘Hurt’, quoted in Alternative Press

The recent furor over Nick Simmons copying from Bleach calls to mind the furor over Shepherd Fairey not sourcing his tracings.  Indeed, it calls to mind a number of similar events.

When Naruto does it, is it copying or theft?

When Slam Dunk does it, is it copying or theft?

A great many of the pundits appearing in the wake of this controversy miss the point.  They seek a distinction between something that is fully original and something that is completely unoriginal.  Often, however, this kind of neat, cut-and-dried divide only exists in our minds.

How, then, are we to decide between acceptable and unacceptable appropriation?  Return to Picasso.  If a work is stolen – that is, if its appropriation serves to form the basis of a derivative work with artistic merit – then that theft is a great thing.  If it is merely a shallow copy, devoid of innovation – why, then that is a terrible thing.

So should Nick Simmons be punished?  By all means.  He hasn’t done anything with the work except trace and copy it, even matching personalities with the original character designs: the Zaraki Kenpachi design is applied to another brutal killer, the Inoue Orihime design is applied to a girl who similarly cries for her comrades, and so forth.  But let’s not say he should be punished because he stole.  He should be punished for failing to steal.

As spring approaches, Valentine’s Day is upon us, and even the most hardened anime otaku’s thoughts must turn to love.

Though some resist this destiny, I will not run, scream, or fight. I have always been of the opinion that the most important decisions are those you make in an instant and stick with for a lifetime.

Therefore, in accordance with time-honored tradition,

And now, for the waifu candidates:

Gia – She sings beautifully.

Jennkei – An engaging commenter who makes apricot waffles!

Erica Dodd – Self-described fangirl who apparently shares my sense of humour.

Anyash – The MMO-playing, bishounen-loving mastermind behind Emperor Chipmunk Wakamoto.

Usagijen – Highly proficient at Japanese, she graciously takes the time to show the ropes to others.  She helpfully self-identifies as a “future MILF.”

Stringedsonata – Figure collector and lover of intelligent talk.  Just don’t ship US/UK in her presence.

mefloraine – Starcraft gamer, yandere theorist, and fanart aficionado.  One day we must have a match!

Coldv – With her zombie-killing prowess, she’s like a Jane Austen character!

Honya-chan – Artist known for her “Yuri on the chalkboard” series. She’s got a family all planned out!

In closing, this Valentine’s Day, I must issue a heartfelt plea:

. . . Oh wait, what’s that?  You wanted to see 2d waifus?

Well.  I guess I’ll have to make another article.

Crucified on the cross, Jesus Christ knew profound suffering.

Therefore, Jesus Christ is profoundly moe.

This, along with a few other propositions of dubious logical merit, forms the basis of Let’s Bible, a tale of Biblical proportions that toes the line between being bizarrely funny and simply wrong. Perhaps, as James Wood said, the Creator cannot be reified, but in Let’s Bible, Jesus is certainly moefied.

The story, as such, is that Jesus of Nazareth is taking a vacation on earth. Just as with Fate: Stay/Night’s Arturia Pendragon, it seems that history got her gender wrong. Along comes a fisherman determined to make her his, and rounding out the cast are a disciple and a demon – not the originals, but their descendants. Civilian extras appear as well, but have no substance or continuity.

What Let’s Bible lacks in coherence and dignity, it makes up for with irrepressible enthusiasm. Unnecessary panty shots? Sure. Showing Jesus groped by a horny, teenage boy? Why not? Even as Sekirei mocked modern dating habits by proposing that women are treated as collectibles, to be gathered up like so many Pokémon, Let’s Bible suggests that a male presented with a female Jesus would see her as a desirable conquest, rather than an object of genuine devotion.  While in a realistic setting this might go over as vile or repugnant, such extreme lechery is depicted here as heroic and manly, or simply as a funny personal quirk.

Let’s Bible is not going to win any awards for theological accuracy. Still, if you want to watch a man monologue about why he wants to lose his virginity to Jesus, or a demonic flamenco guitarist make vending machines and billboards rain from the sky, In-Wan Youn and Kyung-Il Yang have produced the manhwa for you.

The older version.

Japanese gamer NGD reviewed an earlier version, suggesting that parts were loud, flashy, or outright ugly, especially during BREAK mode, but admitting that overall it was “surprisingly good” despite these shortcomings.

European reception to the present version seems to be centered on its high production values and difficulty.  Comparisons to Do-Don Pachi Daifukkatsu and Ketsui have been made.

BREAK mode.

As a demo, the game contains only three stages and an incomplete third boss fight.

Stop it before it penetrates the sky!

What defines Aika Zero? The fact that it deliberately imitates fetish porn? The fact that the overarching target for the first story arc is a giant phallus, which must be destroyed before it succeeds in emptying its fiery load? The fact that the show goes further than the original Aika, blurring the line between titillation and parody of pornographic content?

The men are almost nonentities. Even the “poppa” who shows up in the original Aika as a badass gunman seems limited to a support function. This isn’t just in terms of plot – the very character designs of the men in Aika Zero are generally limited and lacklustre compared to the outfits the women wear. They are visually designed to be less noticeable.

Just one girl's skirt has more detail than that man's shirt and pants.

Perhaps it’s unsurprising given the content. To take the visual metaphor at face value, there’s a lot of penetration in Aika Zero, all of it girl-on-girl. Men, who lack the ability to thrust at a distance with rigid rods made of pulsing energy, are comparatively (and ironically) emasculated. Aika herself doesn’t do this, instead destroying and subverting the essence of those who attempt to invade her body. There’s a lesson in that, if one wishes to see it – the hard-edged, aggressor women seem almost male in their obsession with dominance and penetration, and the “pure-hearted” Aika who uses more stereotypically feminine means to turn encounters around is the ultimate victor.

But really, if this is a show that tries to teach lessons about female empowerment, they’ve disguised it well.

In her secret areas, she hides a deadly weapon. Also, a gun.

We all know what demographic this caters to.

There was a lot of tongue.

That thought was the first to slip through as my mind unchained myself of its shock. I was standing in a grocery store and not ten paces away, a pair of pigtailed girls who might have been sisters were being very affectionate with each other.

While that ordinarily would have caused me to assume a publicity stunt and look for hidden cameras, they also didn’t look a day over ten.

Somehow, I had stumbled upon exhibitionist lolis. Real, live, in-the-flesh, twin-tailed, possibly incestuous, exhibitionist lolis.

Not quite like this grin. But not entirely dissimilar.

Let’s be honest. I don’t know what the normal reaction to such an event is. I’m guessing there is no normal reaction, because this event falls outside the realm of “normal.” My reaction was to blink, rub my eyes, and re-open them only to find one of the girls looking up at me with a grin and a knowing look on her face. It was truly baffling. Was that expression mischief? The confession of an innocent prankster? Was it something else? In another context, in another time, that grin could be taken any number of different ways.

Noise sounded, and parents arrived. One sister slid deftly out of the other’s arms and they began pulling at each other’s hair, chasing each other around fruit stands, giggling and shouting, slipping effortlessly back into the fabric of normal behavior. Only the faint, glistening sheen of saliva on one girl’s neck as it caught the light, and the wicked twinkle in the other’s eye, remained to tell that anything had ever been out of the ordinary.

What had I just seen?

Is Kafuka Fuura moe?

On the surface, these are unrelated questions.  And yet, there are more similarities between the two than may be apparent at first glance.

Not, in fact, Pat Robertson.

The defining characteristic of the Sayonara Zetsubo-Sensei character Kafuka Fuura has been called her irrepressible optimism. And yet it is not solely optimism that marks her as a character – it is the total and complete willingness to disregard the reality she faces to put a “happy” spin on things that makes her weird, even Kafkaesque.

Sayonara Zetsubo-Sensei functions on many levels, including metahumor and social commentary as well as obvious, sheer absurdity. When we encounter a character like Kafuka with a persistent trait, we may be tempted to attribute some greater design, to look at reality for examples of hidden meaning.

Independently of this, we might note a bizarre, even perverse tendency to attribute natural disasters to the angry hand of a disenfranchised God. Not only laypersons, but clergy have insisted that disease, famine, floods, and other natural disasters are admonishments from heaven. It happens in the Catholic Church; it happens in the Anglican Church; it happens in the various independent Protestant denominations. Nowhere was this more powerfully illustrated than in the moments following Hurricane Katrina and the Haitian earthquake.

They were under the heel of the French, you know Napoleon the third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said ‘We will serve you if you will get us free from the prince.’ True story. And so the devil said, ‘Ok it’s a deal.’ And they kicked the French out. The Haitians revolted and got something themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after another.

- Pat Robertson

Why, one asks, does this happen? It happens because the sheer cruelty of such a disaster, the sheer terror of the fact that the world can abruptly turn lethal, triggers cognitive dissonance. Surely, if God loves us, and if we haven’t done anything to deserve this, then it can’t happen, and yet it has happened.  This apparent contradiction must be resolved somehow.

For some, it is easier to believe that the fault comes in the assumption, “people don’t deserve this.” By assuming that a cruel disaster is a supernatural act of justice, this conflict is resolved: God is in control of everything, and those who were made to suffer deserved to suffer. This denies the existence of meaningless tragedies at the cost of rendering one permanently incapable of empathizing with the victims of those tragedies.  It is not the path taken by most people, or by most Christians, but it is a path taken by a vocal few.

I would never say that this is God’s judgment on New Orleans or any other place.

- Billy Graham

Kafuka, like Pat Robertson, rebels against what she cannot accept – in her case, the undesirable extraordinary – by coming up with a completely different story of events. This comes at the small cost of rendering her wildly out of touch with reality. She is a literary example that illustrates the absurdity of extreme denials.

How could there be such a thing as a hikikomori, which I’ve only ever heard about on TV, in our class?  No way!  She must be a zashiki warashi!

- Kafuka Fuura

Let us not fall into this trap.  Haiti has been hurt.  She needs help, not fanciful stories of her people dealing with the devil. It is funny when Kafuka Fuura spins her tales, but it’s not so funny when a former Presidential candidate who beat George H.W. Bush in some states starts spinning these tales.

Yaoi Press has a manga charity auction to benefit victims of the recent Haitian earthquake.

How will they remember love?

Many people look upon those who express love for characters as having “given up” or “retreated from reality.” While it’s true that they have turned their backs on their fellow flesh-and-blood humans, it is woefully inaccurate to suggest they have “given up” on romance and love.

If the notion seems ridiculous, consider: the annals of relationship advice columns are filled with rejoinders for people to not “settle.” “Settling,” in this sense, is defined by the tension between insisting upon high standards for a partner and the realistic awareness of what it is reasonable to ask for. One’s own limitations play a part in the latter, but the bulk of it is a sense of “what is out there.” If you’re dating a real, live person, you are limited not only by theoretical design specifications (what is possible for a human to be or to achive at peak condition) but also the further, much more serious limitation of availability. Taken to its logical end, a refusal to “settle” can mean a refusal to date a human.

The lover of the 2D loves not because he (or she) lacks dignity or self-respect, but because he has an excess of dignity. He does not want to put up with imperfections. Deviations from his ideal in a lover do not fill him with amusement or delight; they instead evoke contempt, loathing, sadness, or pity. In the 1990s this was briefly called the “Martha Stewart problem,” after the perfectionist celebrity who went through a string of boyfriends and spouses. The only right and acceptable spouse for her was a perfect spouse, and that of course does not exist. Similarly, the right and acceptable spouse for a lover of the artificial descends from custom-tailored perfection, but rather than throw himself through a series of ugly breakups and uglier court battles, he opts to take his feelings to the virtual world.

Guy meets girl, or guy meets robot?

A serious relationship between humans has a degree of give-and-take involved. There will always be times when you are not pleased with your mate; there will almost invariably be habits or mannerisms that you really wish he or she didn’t have. An artificial lover, eminently programmable and infinitely malleable, does not impose any such burden. It is the purest expression of unconditional love many people will find this side of the grave, and perhaps most seductively, it does not require anything in return. An artificial personality, unless programmed to, will not care if you take out the trash on time or remember to buy it flowers. Psychotherapist Jerry Brooker explained, “Someone who falls in love with objects can control that relationship on their own terms. Their objects will not let them down.”

Sure, it’s a simulacrum of love, not real, but practically speaking, why should that be an objection? We live in an age where crimes against virtual people are punished by real governments, potential profits gained or lost dictate the flow of massive sums of real money, and debate sees real people hotly divided over the rights and abuses of virtual persons (corporations.) In this context the unreal is not less than the real; rather, if anything, it is often more powerful and more privileged than the real. Why should matters of the heart be any different?

The phenomenon of interacting with the inhuman as human is not limited to anime otaku or the socially inept. JaYoung Sung at the Georgia Institute of Technology published a study about Roombas that suggested people like to customize even the most non-human of robots to give them “personality.” Sometimes the Roombas were given skins as “rewards” for enduring trauma or completing tasks, and some owners talked to their roombas as they would a pet. Even flat discs that exist solely to vaccum floors can be anthropomorphized, so why not android or gynoid robots designed specifically for that purpose?

Build-a-bride? It could happen.

Object social rights may see progress within our lifetimes.  Artificial intelligence researcher David Levy at the University of Maastricht has even gone on record saying, “My forecast is that around 2050, the state of Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize marriages with robots.”

So the next time you encounter an article about marrying a video game character or a movie about dating a real doll, don’t assume the principals are simply retreating from reality. For all we know, they are the wave of the future, and our descendants will hail them as trailblazers and visionaries – that is, assuming some people still settle for mundane, flesh-and-blood partners, and produce offspring.