TOKYO–SHAFT, the studio responsible for creating “ef–a tale of memories,” has said that the sequel series entitled “ef–a tale of melodies” will not only feature most of the same staff, but will also include “bonus artsiness waves” that will emanate from the screen to the viewer.

Scientists studying “artsiness waves” said that their primary effects include tickling the part of the brain that sees overarching themes and patterns, as well arousing emotions that induce intellectual egotism and a sense of superiority over others. A side effect included the sudden desire to drink lattes at indie coffee shops and to watch French movies whilst wearing a beret. Scientists are also studying why it also produces desires to post five page essays on blogs after exposure.

“This is an exciting new development,” director Shin Oonuma told Believe What You Hear. “We couldn’t help but notice that the kind of people who really appreciated the first series were into the experimental style that me and my staff applied to an otherwise pretty but ho-hum eroge. We noticed, too, that the anime bloggers who loved it the most really seemed to get off on analysis. So we figured–why leave it to the poseurs? Why not send everybody into that state of mind?

“Let me read you just one example of the kind of stuff we want to see a lot more of,” Oonuma continued. “Blogger ‘Michael’ states that:

It is like a dream: a series of moments both strange and memorable, passing through the filter of the mind’s eye that, with a little direction, arrange themselves into patterns and meanings whose sum is greater than the parts. This series’ melange of art, memory, dream, and sorrow is a creative triumph and is, for me, the best anime I’ve seen this year.

“I gotta tell you, I creamed my pants after I read that. This is exactly the sort thing I wanted people to feel after watching my shows. I want everyone to write pretentious crap like that about me.”

Oonuma and his staff made this decision after seeing that Kaiba, an experimental show from the Spring 2008 season, was having much success with anime bloggers in using the same artsiness waves. However, the first director who started the trend, Hideaki Anno, has made a public statement saying that he regrets using them in the Evangelion TV series and End of Eva movie. “After seeing that my biggest fans were pathetic pseudo-intellects who picked at every nosehair on Lilith to find some bigger religious meaning, I gave up,” he said. “I’m remaking the Eva movies now to repent of my sins.” He then proceeded to flip a middle finger at the press and stalk off, muttering, “Too bad.”

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Tokyo, Japan, 06.05.2008 - Apparently the news is already one day late, but sources indicate that some Japanese uploaders at large have formed a group to promote legal uses of uploading. The members call themselves 関東のアップローダ共同体の友人 or “the Friends of Uploaders Consortium in Kanto”.

A member known only by the screen name, Asuka Soryu Sugoi told us in an encrypted email that the group formed mainly to promote distributions of raws of Japanese TV shows to further ensure the spreading and appreciation of the vastly unique Japanese culture. “We each bought so very much many copies of the shows we love after we uploaded our raws - yes! we record them off TV first and then upload them, but we love shows so much that each member have 3 copies of the same show on DVD for self use, go outside use, and lend use.”

Dochira Ume Megane Beryl, another member only known by screen name, contacted us by MSN Messanger: “There are many many many good uses for raws, all legal yes! Like use for study material for a research, discussions of fundamentally in depth elements of Japan culture, for learning Japanese classes, and other good things! No prosecution! No prosecution! Prosecution is bad, very bad, very worse!”

The two members above, Dochira Ume Megane Beryl and Asuka Soryu Sugoi, are preparing an online vid cast to all netizens, especially Japanese-Show-Lovers of the world, to discuss the benefits of uploading raws and using them legally. The site appears to be down for the moment (it may be up by the time you’re reading this). When we checked with them, they told us “Too too many hits. Can’t take. Try Fix now.”

They suggested another site for more information.

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From the Diet 3 Daily -

Osaka, Japan, 06/02/2008. The prefectural Cyber Crime police unit caught a single, 37-year-old man uploading pictures and raw episodes of Kanokan, Kurenai, and Fujoshi Deka, a live action show depicting a police woman deeply inside the culture of Fujoshi, a term that describes women that love men having sexual relations involving their rear ends and other orifices, in his home.

According to Chief Aramaki, the pulpit “loved people in other countries, especially the women in Western countries so much so that after he learned from his cyber buddies from America that some western women loved anime, he decided to do what’s right in the eyes of the Otaku - uploading anime episodes.”

After the pulpit’s arrest, the only thing he uttered was the regret that he couldn’t upload more anime or live action episodes suitable for women. “I wanted to show women that being submissive and kind aren’t so bad.” He yelled before being taken into the squad car: “Saabisu banzai! Banzai! Banzai!”

The Cyber Crime Police unit, aka “Section 1″, as affectionately termed by the raw uploaders still at large,  was established in  2004. Its purpose is to track down unauthorized use of TV and radio contents and podcasts promoting unauthorized uses of legal contents. Chief Aramaki said that “in the internet age, we must stop crimes as soon as they happen; obviously it’s not realistic to stop crimes before they happen, or we might as well be the thought police, but we should be able to stop crimes before they spread.”

Rumor has it that they’re collaborating with ADV and the US government and their next target is located somewhere in California. We at the Anime Diet is dismissing that notion.

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From the Editor’s Desk at The Diet 3 Daily -

As the competition for the Anime Blogging Awards heats up, we here took a peak at some of the “Death Notes” that our staff members own (because we all got the Eye of Death, silly).

In order not to spook anyone (yeah like for real), I’m simply going to list some of the names of their blogs and I may bother (not) with the monikers of these writers. I suppose we could call this the Blogs Most deserving to be in the Death Note Award (Discrepancies and incongruence ignored). Below are the categories:

Ikari “Mike’s” Gendo’s Blogs that deserves a heart attack:

http://anime.jefflawson.net/

http://animanachronism.wordpress.com/

http://omaemo.dasaku.net/

“Rayder’s” Blogs that deserves to fall out of a bus and get run over by a speeding truck that happens to be coming:

http://www.riuva.com

http://that.animeblogger.net

http://www.seaslugteam.com/

“Jeremiah’s” Blogs that deserves to fall of a bike while chasing a girl and get smacked by a mack truck:

http://randomc.animeblogger.net/

http://subculture.animeblogger.net

http://www.minaidehazukashii.com/hinano/

“Yagami Raito’s” Blogs that deserves a stinky death inside of Ryuke’s mouth while being eaten as an apple:

http://animediet.net/

http://animediet.net/

http://animediet.net/

…AHHHH! Something really stinks here and it’s not my ass! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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“It was an April Fool’s Day joke, we swear!” former rebels claim before being executed

MALAYSIA–the week-long civil war within the Anime Blogging Collective, founded by Owen S, is now over with the final surrender of all the breakaway and expelled blogs. The surrender was signed on board the USS Saturn-9 on April 1, 2008. The signers were then all blindfolded and executed by firing squad.

“Today,” Owen declared, “is a sad, and also triumphant day for the Collective. The imperial running dogs and their allies have been defeated, but fresh blood must enter the collective to replace what it has lost. We must embark upon the task of rebuilding, with new friends and allies who believe in the Revolution and the Cause of the Collective.” He then announced new leaders for all the formerly rebellious blogs.

The conflict began when CJ Blackwing, the leader of Borderline Hikkikomori, was expelled for noncompliance with the Clannad and True Tears Watching Act. She voiced her dissent publicly and was joined many other bloggers who concurred with her scurrilous assessment of Owen S as a “dictator,” and before long, all-out battle ensued. While some stood on the sidelines, Leader Owen mobilized his army, which included Anime Diet, and after many intense battles was able to recapture all the lost territory.

“The future of the ABC is bright,” Owen said. “Now that we are once again united behind my singular vision for anime blogging, we plan to increase the quota output by 50% in next month’s One-Month Plan. This incident proves that the Collective is the wave of the future, and that when bloggers unite, there is no stopping them.” He then added with a smirk, “And who will now think of even joking around with me?”

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BUFFALO, NY - Following a member of Section 9, our reporter busted down Ray Hu’s door and we have discovered his real identity.”Ray Hu”, or according to his driver’s license, Ricardo James Hunter, was hiding in his grandparents’ basement in upstate New York. When we found him, he was downing a can of Bud, scratching his privates, and viewing a certain anime involving kendo women, mermaids, and bikini girls with machine guns.

The 5′4″ white male tried to put up a struggle, but fell on his face into a puddle of his own puke.

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Owen S, the Great and Illustrious Mind and Founder of the Anime Blogging Collective, is our noble master! Born in a faraway land, it was his initiative to begin the Glorious Revolution which would overthrow the AnimeNano and Animeblogger imperial running dogs’ regime and lead us toward the shining path of the Collective. From the beginning, Anime Diet has stood proudly with the Dear Founder as he led more and more of the blogging world to the light, to the wave of the future: the Blogging Collective, in which all speak as one.

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TOKYO - Today, Hirano Aya announced to the cyber public that she will not be performing voice acting for the upcoming Suzumiya Hahiru sequel at a press conference at Ishita Electronics in Akiba. The announcement was made after her private performance in a closed room for the 偽prime minister of Japan, Taro Aso.

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GRIMES, IA–The once moribund Geneon Entertainment (USA), its fortunes revived by an anonymous $5 billion bequest, has licensed all past, present, and future anime for North American release.

“This is a huge victory for the future of anime in America,” Eiji Orii, the CEO of Geneon USA. “Now there will be no more need for fansubs of any kind, ever again. We would like to thank our anonymous donor for his kindness and generosity in making this possible.” When asked for any clues to the identity of the donor, Mr. Orii smiled slyly. “Let’s just say that he is not Japanese and he runs a very large review site. That’s all I’ll say.”

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KANAGAWA PREFECTURE - At 3 AM today, children in the prefecture of Kanagawa who watched too many Pokemon episodes with lights off on purpose began to report dizziness, headaches, vomiting, and an urge to attack adults with squeals and eating human flesh.

As most of the kids were sent to the hospital right away, the first victims were the nurses, and then, the doctors.

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